Rudy Giuliani is INNOCENT. (Please Ignore the File Marked ‘Rudy’s List of Crimes He Did.’)
Federal investigators had the gall to execute a so-called search warrant on the New York City apartment of my hero and close personal friend Rudy Giuliani, America’s mayor and former lawyer to the most honest president we’ve ever had, Donald J. Trump.
Suffice it to say I am OUTRAGED. I am unfamiliar with the case, have not read the search warrant and do not get information from traditional “news sources,” but I can say with 100% confidence this is #JudicialOverreach mixed with #CancelCulture mixed with communist propaganda.
And that’s why I, Rex Huppke, nationally recognized internet attorney (DISCLAIMER: Only legally allowed to practice in outer space), am offering my services to help defend Mr. Giuliani from what I will claim are outrageous allegations cooked up by Hillary Clinton and the winged demon horde over which she rules.
At the heart of Wednesday’s raid on my (hopefully) client’s apartment are allegations he might have engaged in some treason while sweatily galloping across Ukraine in an attempt to dig up dirt on then-presidential candidate Joe Biden and his son Hunter, who once served on the board of a Ukrainian energy company.
Is it true Mr. Giuliani spent time pressing Ukrainian officials to confirm an insidious plot involving the Bidens while also discrediting the widely admired U.S. ambassador to Ukraine, leading to her dismissal? Yes.
Is it also true nothing came of those allegations and, in fact, it appeared Giuliani was the one improperly messing around with U.S. foreign affairs while tilting at windmills and parroting conspiratorial hogwash? Well, sure, that’s true if you’re a sheep who gets news from mainstream sources and not from my award-eligible blog at MurderousBidenCrimeFamilyAllTheTruth.net.
Here’s what I know to be factual:
1) Mr. Giuliani is 100% innocent, and he has, in his possession, all the evidence anyone needs to prove the Clintons, the Bidens and the Obamas are part of a global conspiracy to prevent more than two people from subscribing to my blog.
2) I have seen no evidence to prove item No. 1, but I trust my gut, so it must be true.
3) Hunter Biden is guilty of unimaginable crimes, and because he is the son of the current president, Joe Biden must step down and allow President Trump to return for a second term.