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Politics

Is Sanders best man for the job?

By Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

While Sen. Bernie Sanders is now the front-runner in the Democratic presidential primary, there's still ample confusion over which of the remaining candidates stands the best chance of beating President Donald Trump in November.

To help straighten things out, I've assembled my own expert panel of political pundits, much like the very important and always accurate ones you see on television 24 hours a day. My panel will offer an array of correct opinions on what the future holds.

Here are some quick introductions. To my right is Zap Bernie. He's a longtime political operative, head of the advocacy group Marijuana4All and a vocal supporter of Bernie Sanders.

Just to Zap's right is Chad Centriston. He has spent most of his career in Democratic politics and currently sits on the board of three Fortune 500 companies. He fears a Sanders candidacy and believes a centrist such as Mayor Pete Buttigieg or former Vice President Joe Biden has the best chance of taking down Trump.

On my left is Dan MAGA. He's a longtime Republican activist who recently had his last name legally changed to reflect his devotion to President Trump. His hobbies include "owning the libs" and screaming at immigrants and he believes no Democrat can beat the current president.

As you can see, my panelists are all older Caucasian men, and none of them have given any thought to the two remaining women in the Democratic primary, whatever their names are.

 

So here we go. My first question is to Zap Bernie. Zap, what makes you think Sen. Sanders is the right pick for this election?

ZAP BERNIE: "Look, man, this is a revolution. This country needs a revolution, and Bernie Sanders is leading that revolution. Americans are truly revolting. They've never been more revolting, you know what I'm saying?"

No, I do not.

ZAP: "What I'm saying is it's time for the people rise up and take the power back from the rich who've been running this country for too long. Bernie is the only candidate who can build the grassroots movement."

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