Trump's State of the Union show: A very real sneak peek
(PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER BECAUSE THAT WAS A VERY FUNNY JOKE.)
OK, back to the state of my union. Have you seen the stock market lately? Boom. I mean, c'mon. Businesses love Trump. Under Obama, there was no money -- NO ... MONEY. Nobody made any money, folks. Now under Trump, people have money, everybody does, so much.
The haters in the Fake News media -- aren't they the worst, folks? -- won't tell you about this. They say I inherited this economy from Obama. Can you believe that?
These awful people in the media, they just want to drag Trump down. They want to talk about Russia. Russia! Let me tell you, I have nothing to do with Russia. I don't even know where Russia is -- don't care. I care about America -- AMERICA FIRST!
(NOD HEAD AS PEOPLE APPLAUD -- THEY LOVE YOU.)
What I will tell you about Russia is they have a very good leader. Very good. Putin. He's tough, and I like his style. Good looking too. We are good friends, but not because I colluded -- there was no collusion, folks, no collusion, believe me. FAKE NEWS!
Have you seen my daughter Ivanka tonight? Ivanka, where are you, stand up, honey. Beautiful. Isn't she beautiful, folks? So beautiful.
(DON'T STARE TOO LONG.)
I have other kids too. They're good.
Buy a hat.