Paddington's pro-bear propaganda poses a threat to all Americans
So a bear who is a potentially violent illegal immigrant hoping to bring in other bears from the darkest parts of Peru via chain migration is given a home and allowed to zip around the city unattended? And we're supposed to smile and pretend this is OK? WHAT GOOD IS A COUNTRY IF IT CAN'T SECURE ITS BORDERS FROM FOREIGN BEARS?
As I sat in the dark theater watching this disturbing movie, prepared to hurl salty popcorn into the eyes of any bear that tried to sneak up on me, I realized why "Paddington 2" is so popular. We are living through a tumultuous time, what with the partisan political screeching and the uptick in talk about nuclear war and the many famous men being revealed as lecherous swine. A movie in which the titular character is innocent and affable and has a knack for cheering up everyone around him seems bound to appeal, as it is so wholly unlike everything going on outside the theater.
The bears are trying manipulate our emotions. They sense our weakness and have set a trap, feeding us pro-bear pablum and inspiring us to invite furry brown bears -- regardless of their country of origin -- into our home in the hope they'll dance and sing and generally make everything better.
Do not fall for this Paddington put-on. Bears are not charming. They don't want to sit around with you eating marmalade sandwiches. They want to sit around with other bears eating a you sandwich.
Michael Bond, the late writer who created Paddington and who was, I assume, in the pocket of Big Bear, once said: "Paddington is very polite in a world where people have become more selfish."
Wanting to go through life without being eaten by a talking Peruvian bear is not selfish, Mr. Bond. It's sensible.
I encourage you all to steer clear of "Paddington 2." It's a dangerous film that makes you forget how scary the world has become.
And that's something that should worry you immensely.
(Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune and a noted hypocrisy enthusiast. You can email him at email@example.com or follow him on Twitter at @RexHuppke.)