I am now the proud ambassador of a Dairy Queen. (Please hold your applause.)
The title was bestowed upon me recently during a private ceremony in Naperville, Ill., at a Dairy Queen tucked in a humble strip mall.
A column I wrote back in July trumpeted my love of ice cream and desire to advocate for "simple, traditional frozen-dairy delights." ...Read more
I don't care whether the evil maniac who slaughtered at least 58 people in Las Vegas was a Muslim or a Christian, a Democrat or a Republican, a bigot or a terrorist.
I don't care whether you call what he did -- the worst mass shooting in American history -- a terror attack or an act of radical Islamic terrorism or a massacre or a hate crime.
A United States president once made a wise and heartfelt statement, one we should all remember in the wake of Sunday's silent protests by hundreds of NFL players.
That president wrote: "Peaceful protests are a hallmark of our democracy. Even if I don't always agree, I recognize the rights of people to express their views."
The date was ...Read more
Why do you keep writing about Donald Trump? Why don't you give it a rest?
I hear that from some readers. And on Sunday morning, once again, the president of the United States provided me with an answer.
Trump retweeted an internet meme, a video of him taking a golf swing that then cuts to video of Hillary Clinton stumbling as she enters a jet....Read more
The Chicago Bears are back.
Not back to winning -- not yet, anyway -- but back to being fun. Back to being likable.
Sunday's season-opening game at Soldier Field felt different from recent seasons. Brighter, like a cloud had lifted.
That cloud's name is Jay Cutler.
I know the departed ...Read more
Tragedies like the one unfolding in Texas, as rain continues to fall and flood waters rise, have a way of peeling layers off people until only their humanity remains.
Just the bare essence. The good stuff.
Stripped away are the things that bog us down so much, things like faith or skin color, sexuality or political beliefs.
A few days before ...Read more
Lost in coverage of the eclipse and the day-to-day deluge of politics and partisanship was a remarkable discovery, one that should, at the very least, offer some perspective.
On Saturday, naval researchers announced that wreckage from the USS Indianapolis -- a World War II cruiser sunk by a Japanese submarine in 1945 -- had been found more than...Read more
I want you to read these words about the young woman who was killed after a car plowed into a crowd of people protesting a rally of white supremacists. The words are despicable. But I want you to read them anyway:
"The woman killed in yesterday's road rage incident has been identified as Heather Heyer, a 32-year-old overweight slob with no ...Read more
Uncle OttoWinfred Cook
“The author’s capable plotting and writing make up for much of the confusion, though the realization that the book is fictional might still bring surprise.
Regardless, the novel is an important account of one family’s story. While the events my not all be true in fact, they ...
Kneeling in the waves of Lake Michigan, I was reminded that sometimes there is nothing more important in this world than searching for a stone.
Not just any stone, of course. In this case, it was a Petoskey stone, fossilized coral found along the beaches of northwestern Michigan, remnants of an ancient sea.
I wasn't the lead stone hunter. That...Read more
Thank you for your recent inquiry submitted under the subject line: "Current price for one upscale human soul." We here at USA Soul Procurement Ltd. have appreciated your business over the years.
As the Prince of Darkness, you are well aware that soul prices can vary dramatically, but in this case we will assume you are looking for...Read more