Trump is the best thing since sliced bread. And he invented sliced bread!
WASHINGTON -- Have you heard the news?
"HOLD THE DATE!" President Trump tweeted Sunday. "We will be having one of the biggest gatherings in the history of Washington, D.C., on July 4th. It will be called 'A Salute To America' and will be held at the Lincoln Memorial. Major fireworks display, entertainment and an address by your favorite president, me!"
Fireworks in Washington on Independence Day? This is a brilliant idea! It's a wonder nobody thought of this before.
The Twitterverse replied with various follow-on observances the president could initiate: A party in Times Square on Dec. 31? Mass distribution of candy on Oct. 31? And indeed, executive authority would appear to be boundless in this area:
"We will be having one of the biggest meteorological phenomena in the history of Washington, D.C., at 6:45 am tomorrow. It will be called 'Sunrise.'"
"We will be having one of the biggest reprieves from work in American history on Saturday and Sunday. It will be called 'The Weekend.'"
By re-election time, he will have given Americans indoor plumbing, ice cream and Christmas. Strike that: He already gave us Christmas, in 2017. "People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas again," he tweeted. "I am proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase."
Man has taken credit for achievements not his own since long before Al Gore invented the internet. (Yes, I know, he didn't really say that.) But Trump's boasts are so manic that it almost seems as though, tired of losing, he is trying to win by crediting himself with happenings that have nothing to do with him.
Trump claimed credit for squeezing more money out of NATO partners when they reiterated their previous spending commitments. He took credit for building the U.S. military into the most powerful on Earth (previous rank: No. 1) and for a $12 billion drop in the U.S. debt after his first month in office. (It has since grown by $2 trillion.)
He gave himself props for the "safest year on record" in aviation in 2017, even though no U.S. airline had had a fatality since 2009. And he claimed credit for inventing the 19th-century economic phrase "prime the pump." This would appear to be a pure example of "fake news" -- a phrase for which Trump has also awarded himself authorship.