Life Advice



Tales From the Front: This ATM Is Outta Cash

Cheryl Lavin on

We recently heard from Charlotte, who was living with her twice-divorced boyfriend. He was 51; she was 44. He told her his first wife cheated and he and his second wife "grew apart." They have sex about once a week.

Five months ago, he started spending a lot of time online. She was suspicious and checked his browsing history. He'd been looking at sex webcams daily and checking out lesbian personal ads on Craigslist, along with an ad for a woman seeking a man and an ad for a marriage counselor.

She also checked his Facebook account and found archived messages from a woman he used to work with. The messages made it clear that they had had webcam sex while he was married to his second wife.

Charlotte was heartsick because he was the love of her life. She asked my advice.

I told her love of her life or not, he was a liar and a cheat -- and some would consider him a pervert. I said cyber cheating was still cheating and advised her to confront him with her evidence.

I warned her that she had to be prepared to break up with him if he wasn't willing to admit that he's addicted to porn and get immediate help.


I wrote, "It may sound harsh, but better to end it now than waste any more time on something that will only cause you heartache."

Charlotte is back to say, "Thank you. I broke it off with him two nights ago and started moving out last night."

Dear Cheryl: I'm 46 with two grown children. I have a great deal of resentment toward my wife of 17 years, mainly because she made me choose between being a police officer and her. I chose her.

At the time, she was a travel agent. When she decided she wasn't satisfied being a travel agent and wanted to be a Spanish teacher instead, I told her to quit her job so she could go to college full time. It was a sacrifice on my part, but I was willing to do it so she could get her degree faster.


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