Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

I'm afraid my husband and I won't be able to provide for our unborn child

Carolyn Hax on

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Feb. 13, 2005.

Dear Carolyn:

I just found out I'm pregnant. I am psyched for all the obvious reasons, but also dismayed with myself. I'd planned to do so much more before becoming a mom. I had always promised myself that I'd make a lot of money so I could give a child everything; that I'd be living in a nice house in a nice suburb, etc.

Well, I work at a nonprofit, as does my husband, and we live in a rented condo, not a house, and I'm just so worried that we won't be able to provide for our baby the way I always fantasized we could. I also feel thoroughly guilty for thinking this way. Help? Advice?

-- Massachusetts

"Everything" to a baby is love, food, warm clothing, dry pants and, in a few months, some measuring cups to play with. Stability's nice, too, but not if it's at the expense of love, food, warm clothing and dry pants.

--Sponsored Video--

And if further mention of love, cups and warm pants will churn your breakfast, good, because this question really isn't about those things anyway. It's about things we promise ourselves, envision, fantasize.

There comes a point in all lives when it's time to release them, like imagined helium balloons, and go back inside and embrace the lives we actually have -- because we actually chose them, for reasons we may actually not have given much thought lately. So think about them, now. You and your husband went the condo-nonprofit route for reasons that probably make sense to you, probably brought you together, and definitely say something about you both. I bet it's something you like about yourselves.

THAT is what you'll be giving your baby. Add life insurance, a will and even the tiniest savings account, and you can call that everything, too.

Dear Carolyn:

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