Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Not feeling ecstatic about my upcoming wedding

Carolyn Hax on

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Feb. 9 and 23, 2005.

Dear Carolyn:

"Jared" and I are recently engaged; however, we live in different states. Everyone is ecstatic about the upcoming wedding -- except me. I love Jared but I think my feelings are based on other people's opinion of us.

If everyone loves him and loves us together, then why am I having doubts? I stay up late at night thinking about another man, and wondering if I would be better off with him.

Jared and I are supposed to move in together in Jared's town but I keep delaying. Are these just pre-marriage jitters or is there a real problem?

-- On the Fence


If everyone were marrying Jared, then these would just be pre-marriage jitters. But since you are the one marrying him, and the one who isn't excited to marry him, then that about defines "real problem."

Just because a guy loves you and is equal parts Superman, George Clooney and Gandhi doesn't mean you have to love him back. Either you feel it, or you don't. You don't? That's OK. Admit it to yourself, admit it to him, forgive yourself, and move on with moving on.

Here's what's not forgivable: Not admitting it, especially to him. How would you feel if you overheard your fiance say to another woman, "I stay up late at night thinking about you"? You may be a great person, equal parts Eleanor Roosevelt, Mary Ann and Ginger. What Jared deserves is a woman who loves him, no doubts.



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