Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Does dating a former friend's ex-husband violate a 'girlfriend code'?

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

About 20 years ago, my husband and I befriended this other couple. We were all recently married then. We saw each other's kids grow up, and spent time staying at each other's homes on visits.

The husbands had a falling out seven years ago and we all stopped speaking. She particularly shunned me after their argument, which had nothing to do with me or her. I felt pretty sad but moved on.

Fast forward to when I was divorced for one year and they were separated and in divorce proceedings. He and I reconnected and started dating, and we have fallen in love. While we never even flirted while we were all married, we always got along. I have never been happier in my life. It was all above board, no shenanigans.

He is now divorced and upon finding out about us, she has had a major meltdown. She is furious and accused us of having an affair because we started seeing each other while they were separated.

I feel horrible, but she and I have not been in contact for several years. What say you? Did I violate some girlfriend code? She is calling all their friends and calling him a cheater and me a hussy. Now what?

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-- No Shenanigans

What is there to feel horrible about?

If it's just that someone you (used to) care about is in pain, then I can see that. Of course.

But in the story you tell, you're rivals only of her making; you had no falling out with her seven years ago, and no role in breaking a marriage already broken.


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