Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Boyfriend fears telling dream girl he doesn't want to be exclusive

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year, and she's everything I could have ever asked for -- brilliant, kind, sexy, fun, my best friend, and just an incredible human being.

What's the problem? I still want to get to flirt and date and have sex with a bunch of people.

I've been really attracted to other women lately, probably in part because I know my girlfriend is ready to move toward marriage and I'm realizing I may never get to have sex with anyone else again.

I don't want to hurt her, and I do like the idea of being married to her someday. How do I decide whether to break up with her over this? We're both late 20s; she's pretty straitlaced and doesn't know how much I struggle with this.

 

-- Settling Down

No, the problem is that you aren't ready for an exclusive relationship with anyone and you're lying by omission to your girlfriend.

And that your truth-telling won't be what hurts her, because you're hurting her already, now, by harboring doubts she knows nothing about.

Tell her exactly "how much I struggle with this." Now, like, today. You don't get to hold her under false pretenses of monogamous intent just because you think you're going to want her later when you feel good and darn ready.

...continued

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