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Wife constantly second-guesses his parenting

Carolyn Hax on

Plus, there's a chance your wife's meddling is a manifestation of anxiety; I'm just a layman here, so get a pro's-eye view.

I would say it's also possible you're too lax, but I suspect not on the strength of her trying to coach you! by phone! from upstairs! That's just beyond, and so unfair and demoralizing for you.

Please do get help. You can't make her change, but you can ask -- and say why.

Re: Trust:

I could be your spouse ... sort of. When I "criticize" and (gulp) text from within the house, I am trying to be helpful. Seriously. I really am. We've talked about this and I understand it comes across as criticism, which I don't mean at all. So, I'm trying to be more closemouthed or offer help in a better way.

-- Anonymous

Or how about treating your spouse as an equal, and assuming no help is needed unless your spouse expressly asks you for it?

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Clothes-pinning your mouth shut is not a solution to the underlying problem: lack of respect.

At best you're operating on an unchallenged conviction that you're the better parent. You think help is something you have and Spouse needs. Please tackle that toxic assumption head-on.

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Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2018, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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