Wife won't grant 'Grandma' title to stepmother
So figure something out.
And in doing so, save your energy for whatever the bigger issue is behind your wife's startling contempt. One way to pry it out is by agreeing with your wife: "You're right. She's not my mother."
And then don't lobby against your wife (or for your stepmother, even) so much as you lobby -- kindly -- for love and inclusion: "But she matters to me"; or, "She's the only parent I've got left."
And/or: "I see her as another person in the world to love our kids. I don't understand how that hurts them, or you, or your folks."
And: "Love isn't a zero-sum game. Making room for my stepmother doesn't displace your parents."
And: "Whenever you're ready to talk about why you feel so strongly about this, I'm ready to listen."
I am, too, by the way -- so if your wife ever does come up with a real explanation, feel free to throw some details at your nosy local advice columnist.
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