Cutting off sister-in-law's weight-shaming at the pass
Re: Weight Shaming:
Anyone who has been enduring ongoing comments about her weight, eating habits, exercise regiment, ad nauseum, and didn't shut that down immediately with a firm, "No comments about my weight. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it," and is afraid of "getting in a fight about it," needs a solid lesson in boundaries. If she's putting up with these outrageous boundary violations in this area, she's almost certainly doing it in lots of other areas, too. Time to consider one of Carolyn's favorite books, "Lifeskills for Adult Children" [Woititz/Garner].
Can't argue with that, thank you.
I kept my last name when I got married, and my husband has a hyphenated last name (his parents' surnames). We're discussing starting a family, and this last name issue is tripping us up. There are many valid answers here: using his full hyphenated last name, hyphenating my last name with one of his last names, using my last name, trying to combine names into one unholy hybrid, etc. Each of these options has its pros and cons, and each packs a distinct emotional punch in some way. How do we navigate something like this?
-- Tripped Up
What does each of you want? You can't honor your own and each other's priorities without knowing what they are. Simplicity? His family? Your family? Your family unit? Feminism? Tradition? Yourselves? Each other? Decide what matters and work from there.
Consider what you're foisting on the future little Smith-Jones-Jonze-Smythes, too, please.
Email Carolyn at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
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