Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Missing quality time with overworked boyfriend

Carolyn Hax on

Hi, Carolyn:

My boyfriend and I moved in together two months ago. We're very much in love, and I feel comfortable discussing issues and feelings with him.

Although, I have always struggled with bringing up things that make me upset (I'm working with a therapist on this).

His job is seasonal, and fall is exceptionally busy. This is the first fall we have been together so I was not emotionally prepared for the long amounts of time we are spending apart. He takes a large amount of pride in his work and making sure his customers are satisfied. I love and respect this about him.

Coupled with his commute -- he moved farther from work so we could live together -- he's gone from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. every weekday, and they will be adding Saturday hours too. He's exhausted when he gets home (which I understand) and not in much of a mood to talk and reconnect.

However, I've been home for a few hours at this point and miss him and really want to chat. When he's not wiped out, we can talk for hours. What advice do you have for getting through this hard time of year?

-- Chatty and Wide Awake

Treat him like he's deployed. He's gone for the fall except for some bonus quiet-evening-togetherness visits. You'll get him back in full soon enough.

Try to make it work by finding other productive, interesting or just fun things to do with the time you'd normally spend with him. Do this till the season ends.

When you've had him back for a while and gotten some distance from the emotions you're feeling now, reflect on the whole experience -- including his sacrifice in extending his commute. If at this point you decide you don't want to live like this indefinitely, then you talk to your boyfriend about the future -- goals, dreams, realities.


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