Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Hugged-out in Florida

Carolyn Hax on

Dear Carolyn:

My husband, "Jeff," and I have a really great relationship. Marrying him was one of the best decisions I have made. He is good to me and kind and does an amazing job overall of being a husband.

We do, of course, disagree on a few issues. Several years ago he dated and was intimate with "Nancy." After the flames fizzled, they went their separate ways. But Jeff's relative married into her family, and Nancy and her husband are now at family functions. Initially, Jeff was dishonest with me about their history but eventually came clean.

Had he been honest, I might not feel the way I do. I know she is married, and Jeff is obviously married to me; however, I feel uncomfortable with his feeling the need to hug her hello and goodbye. He claims they are strictly platonic and he doesn't even really like seeing her, which I counter with, "Then why do you feel the need to hug her if you aren't even friends?"

I have no problems with being around her at the functions or with his talking to her, no point in being petty about that, but I really wish he would not feel the need to touch her.

He claims I am being controlling and he doesn't want to make her or the situation uncomfortable. 


I do not ask much of him and don't give him rules, so I was hoping he might realize this actually means something to me.

She is not particularly friendly to me either, but is very happy to give him a nice, big hug whenever they see each other. What do you think?

-- Hugged-out in Florida

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