Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Keeping Dating Hopes Up

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I'm 33; I'm smart, funny, reasonably attractive, and I have my life together. I love my job, volunteer, exercise, have great friends, and have enjoyable hobbies.

But my dating life sucks. I don't meet people in real life, despite all my best efforts (see above). And in the past three years I've been out with close to a hundred online dates, none of whom I've really clicked with. It seems like I must be doing something wrong, or else I'm seriously deluded about how awesome I am. How do I keep my hopes up and keep trying?

-- Dating Woes

Stop wearing your "Who farted?" T-shirt.


You have a wonderful life, by your own account. Please get off the Dating Hamster Wheel of Despair (DHWD)* and free yourself to enjoy that wonderful life without the man-man-mandate.

If at some point you find yourself wanting to go on a date with someone, then go -- because then you'll want the date for its own sake versus wanting it as a means to an end. You've worked so hard at this (a hundred guys?!) that you've apparently lost perspective. Dating three guys a month seems panicky. Panic clouds judgment and scares dates.

*Courtesy of a reader, 2007.



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