Health & Spirit

8 Fun Ways to Make Yourself Completely Miserable

Marilynn Preston on

3. BLAME YOUR PARENTS. "Blaming your parents for your defects, shortcomings, and failures is among the most important steps you can take," Madanes advises. "Your parents made you who you are today; you had nothing to do with it. If you happen to have any good qualities or successes, don't give your parents credit. Those are flukes."

4. DON'T ENJOY LIFE'S PLEASURES. Take no pleasure in things such as music, food, wine, theater and beauty. Those are for boring, flighty, shallow people. If you unexpectedly find yourself admiring a sunset, playing with a puppy or enjoying a walk on the beach, stop!

Remind yourself that these are what Madanes calls "transitory pleasures." They can't compensate for the misery, suffering, poverty and illness that we find all over the world.

If you can see the beauty of nature as a total deception -- what's so special about a sunrise? -- you are well on your way to making your life more miserable.

5. BE CRITICAL. Develop an endless list of dislikes, and voice them often. Be creative. Everyone dislikes traffic and mosquitos. Find new ways to be contrarian and set yourself apart from others. Your negativity can be applied to almost anything. Even Obamacare.

6. AVOID GRATITUDE. "Research shows that people who express gratitude are happier than those who don't," explains Madanes. "So never express gratitude. Counting your blessings is for idiots. What blessings? Life is suffering, and then you die."

7. GIVE YOURSELF A NEGATIVE IDENTITY. Make your condition the focus of your life. If you're depressed, become a Depressed Person. If you suffer from social anxiety, read up on all the symptoms so you can speak about them endlessly.

"Practice putting yourself in the physiological state that represents your negative identity," counsels Madanes. If your negative identity is as a Depressed Person, hunch your shoulders, stare at the floor and breathe shallowly. Never smile. You want to keep your body as depressed as you are.


8. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT ONLY FOR PERSONAL GAIN. Sometimes you may be tempted to help someone or contribute to a charity. Resist! Don't do it unless there's something in it for you.

"Remember," says Madanes. "Your primary goal is to take care of Numero Uno, even though you hate yourself."

So there it is. Eight easy steps to making yourself the party pooper no one wants to be around. Happy holidays.


"Oh! Most miserable wretch that I am! Why have I not learnt how to swim?" -- Alexander the Great


Marilynn Preston is the author of Energy Express, America's longest-running healthy lifestyle column. Her new book "All Is Well: The Art {and Science} of Personal Well-Being" is available now on Amazon and elsewhere. Visit Creators Publishing at to learn more. For more on personal well-being, visit

Copyright 2017 Creators Syndicate Inc.


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