Dishwashers and Pineapples
Instead of the delightfully tacky plastic flamingos in yards this summer, why not delightfully tacky plastic murder hornets? Rather than brightly colored "Welcome" flags outside our doors, we could all just buy white flags to signify our surrendering. I give up, 2020! You win! We can, of course, continue to buy the pineapple-shaped luau mugs -- because without question, this will be the year when there's a horrific salmonella outbreak in pineapples. It's coming. You know it's coming.
Best of all, everyone knows the greatest pity party is a pity party for one.
Social distancing, y'all.
Walking the aisles of Party City, I found myself throwing more and more items into my cart, a smile slowly growing across my face. A hamburger blowup pool to catch water from my dripping ceiling rather than a bucket. Beer hats and towels to wear by the "basement pool." And boozy string lights to hang up in the RV, because, really, we will get to our vacation eventually. This hiccup, insignificant considering the greater heartaches of the world, will get cleaned up and moved past.
My dishwasher flood pity party allowed me to feel all my devastated 2020 feelings and harness them into an incident that began out of my control but will ultimately end in my control, wherein the tangible actions I take will result in a mess that is fixed immediately and permanently. How utterly not 2020. How utterly welcome.
For those of us fortunate enough to have not experienced personal traumas of 2020 but still suffering the mundane burden of it, throw yourself a pity party for your next grievance. Allow the sad and then take solace in the solvable. But take my advice and buy those pineapple mugs soon, because once the salmonella outbreak is here, everyone will want one. And it's coming. You know it's coming.
Katiedid Langrock is author of the book "Stop Farting in the Pyramids," available at http://www.creators.com/books/stop-farting-in-the-pyramids. Like Katiedid Langrock on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/katiedidhumor. To find out more about her and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.