Humor

/

Entertainment

Dishwashers and Pineapples

Katiedid Langrock on

I was down in my basement, when something looked different. Hmm. What is it? Ah, yes, the ceiling is on the floor.

Though I'm no basement expert, it immediately occurred to me that the ceiling was not supposed to be on the floor. I felt the panels, which were now crumbling by my feet.

Wet. Very wet.

Perhaps a flood, I deduced, further proof of my incredible Sherlock Holmesian skills. But one can never be too sure. After all, we are living in 2020. Though a typical flood is an aggravation in any year, it felt a little light-handed for the year of the COVID murder hornets. A sinkhole consuming our entire neighborhood would seem more apropos -- especially if that sinkhole were actually caused by the neighborhood's being swallowed by one of those giant exogorth space slugs in which Han Solo unwittingly hides the Millennium Falcon in "The Empire Strikes Back."

Alas, our flood was not caused by space slug slobber. Rather, it was a boring faulty dishwasher hose. Just enough drama to drip drip drip on our plans to take a deep breath and momentarily avert our eyes from 2020.

We were supposed to leave today on an RV trip that would take us anywhere. The basement ceiling's being on the basement floor has put a stop to that plan. Well, that and the fact that we can't drive over the ocean -- and also that our neighboring countries won't allow us across the border because of our rising COVID-19 numbers.

 

It is a mark of privilege to be disappointed by a delayed vacation. It is a mark of privilege to have a basement that can get flooded in the first place. But man, 2020 has been exhausting.

As fans blasted air into my kitchen and basement at tornado-level speeds and at train-level volume, a friend suggested I go to Party City to buy heavily discounted graduation paper plates and cups. That way, I could avoid adding to the pile of dishes in my sink that I cannot reach without tripping over a fan and being lifted up into a cyclone like that cow in "Twister" (which I heard they are remaking because the one thing everyone on earth can relate to right now is feeling one with the heifer spinning in circles).

Party City is a weird place to visit during a pandemic. The luau decor and goofy 2020 graduation sunglasses initially made me irritated, hyper-aware of the contrast I was feeling with the implicit joyousness of this store. The only party I wanted to throw was a pity party.

Hmm, a pity party...

...continued

swipe to next page
 

 

Comics

The Pajama Diaries Rhymes with Orange Dog Eat Doug Scary Gary Hagar the Horrible Chip Bok