ArcaMax

"Why was Poseidon trying to kill us?" asked my 4-year-old.

"It was Zeus," said my 7-year-old.

"But we're on the water," said my 4-year-old.

"But Zeus has the lightning bolt."

Our hike began like any other of our family hikes -- with me trying to rally like a hyperactive golden retriever. I jumped and smiled and spun, chasing my tail as I ...Read more

Time is a weird concept. Somehow my children have catapulted into the future and I have been sucked back in time. We're two weeks into our cross-country RV adventure, and my children are making Marty McFly (second movie) envious with all of their futuristic play. Teachers are zapped into our home on wheels. Online school comes equipped with ...Read more

"Ark Encounter," my husband read aloud as we passed by a sign on Interstate 75 for the creationist theme park in Williamstown, Kentucky. "We sure have been getting a lot of flood references lately. Now it's getting biblical."

The flood references have been coming pretty rapidly the past couple of weeks. Our dishwasher flooded our kitchen and ...Read more

"I dunno," said my friend. "I can't really support your just letting yourself go."

He was speaking in reference to my ditching the dye and letting my gray hair grow out, a growing movement, literally and figuratively, during this pandemic.

Personally, I'm pretty excited to look like a witch. Or a fairy. Or simply how Mother Nature intended.

"...Read more

I was down in my basement, when something looked different. Hmm. What is it? Ah, yes, the ceiling is on the floor.

Though I'm no basement expert, it immediately occurred to me that the ceiling was not supposed to be on the floor. I felt the panels, which were now crumbling by my feet.

Wet. Very wet.

Perhaps a flood, I deduced, ...Read more

I am not a cook. By this, I mean I rarely cook and, when I do cook, it rarely tastes good. This reality, combined with the ever-changing picky eating habits of my young children and the fact that my husband also hates to cook, has turned our family into a frozen-foods family. I may not be able to cook, but I can thaw. And thanks to my good ...Read more

"You look a little dirty. Why don't you wash up before coming inside?"

This was not something that I said to my kids. This was said to me by my eye doctor. I guess that all this time in quarantine isn't going to help my dreams of passing as a sexy 23-year-old Instagram influencer.

In my dirty defense, I had stumbled into a bush prior to ...Read more

The first night in our RV, we slept in the dealership's parking lot. A week later, we slept there again. I think it is safe to say we are not off to the best start.

I keep thinking about that old adage about how a bad wedding day is a sign for a good marriage. During particularly rough patches in my marriage, I would curse my own relatively ...Read more

"Let's get a boat. I've been in a boat," I said to my husband.

"You want to buy a boat? Have you ever driven a boat?" he asked.

"OK, fine. Then let's get an RV."

"Have you ever driven an RV?" he asked.

"No."

"Have you ever even been inside an RV?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "But I'm sure there's nothing to it."

And that is how we became...Read more

"Let me see," my 7-year-old said. I smiled at him.

"Mama," he said, "your mask is on."

"Oh! Right." I lowered my mask.

Our local orthodontist's office had just opened up after being shuttered for COVID-19. I went in for an appointment that was meant to happen two months ago -- to have my new Invisalign retainer fitted. It is part of my ...Read more

My 7-year-old's teacher decided to put on a school play. It begins in 20 minutes. I have a problem with this. In fact, I have many problems with this.

For starters, it's nearly the end of the school year. Why are we getting ambitious now? Isn't now the time for field day and end-of-year ice cream parties? Don't these last precious weeks provide...Read more