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False Synopses

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

In an episode of "Friends" called "The One Where Old Yeller Dies," Phoebe learns that her mother used to prematurely turn off classic movies to spare Phoebe's feelings. She thought "Old Yeller" was a fun family film until her friends show her the ending.

Why, Travis?! Why?

Over the next few days, Phoebe immerses herself in film re-...Read more

Fighting for Joy

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I walked into my 5-year-old's classroom to pick him up before the final bell rang. He ran to greet me, followed by his teacher, who looked stern.

"I thought you should know, your son has been telling the other students that you are" -- she lowered her voice to a whisper -- "a witch."

I looked at my child and spoke with anger: "You've been ...Read more

Taco Cone

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Taco-in-a-cone is the answer.

Last week, I wore white -- a horrific mistake, and not just because we are well past Labor Day. The selection of the lacy white shirt was bound to leave me full of regret because I am a messy eater and I had a full day of meetings ahead of me -- the first one being a lunch meeting.

Grace has never been my strong...Read more

Newfound Love for Working Out

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Like many kids, I was always afraid to show my mom a bad report card. Grades were not the most important thing in our house, but they were definitely important. A low score on an assignment or test was inevitably met with weeks of discussing personal drive, making work schedules and making study charts. It was worth excelling just to avoid the ...Read more

Who Gets to Name These Storms?

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

The day after Hurricane Irma pounded Florida, I heard a story about a woman who had gone into labor and been unable to get to the hospital. A 911 dispatcher had to talk her through birthing the baby at home. She named the child Irma.

It got me thinking, who are these incredibly lucky dukes and duchesses designated to name storms? Who are ...Read more

Spark Seeker

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

When I was about 6 years old, the house next door was struck by lightning. I don't remember the sound, the zap of pure electricity hitting a man-made shelter, but it must've been significant. Or perhaps it was not the sound of the lightning bolt but rather the repercussion, a crumbling roof and the chimney's collapsing on the cars below, that ...Read more

Free Chandelier

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I've never been one to turn down something free.

It's in my blood. My dad, a man who never drinks alcohol, is such a fan of anything free that he cannot be taken to open-bar weddings because he otherwise would end up attempting to crowd-surf the processional. It's the same reason he has been asked on more than one occasion not to return to a ...Read more

Crime Baby

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I don't know how it began, the encouraging of my son to become a crime lord. Most likely, it was birthed out of necessity, as so many poor seemingly short-term parenting choices are. It was probably because of a tantrum, a freakout, a clingy spell, a crying spell -- some event in which throwing my son off his game, making him question or ...Read more

Hole People

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Our new house came with a gigantic hole in the wall.

It was hollowed out within the drywall connecting the living room to the laundry. It welcomed easy conversation between someone sitting on the couch and someone washing the linens. That was a plus, if you were looking for one. Possibly the hole helped freshen the air and increase airflow to...Read more

Time for tears

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I'm a crier.

When I was 3 and my arm was pulled out of its socket, I cried because the doctor was going to have to cut the sleeve off my favorite dress.

At 7, I cried tears of joy when the rocks I had planted spouted into rock-trees. (They were weeds.)

At 14, I cried from the heartbreak of having to sever ties with my first imaginary ...Read more

Mama Bear

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"There are bears ahead," he said. Or at least that's what I think he said. I've never been very good at listening when I'm distracted, and I'm distracted often.

I was even more so when I was 10 and acting the part of a thru-hiker with my dad on a weeklong stint on the Appalachian Trail. This was a thing we did every summer. We would pick up ...Read more

Jeans and the Death of Trail Etiquette

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"What else do you need me to fit in your backpack?"

Recently, I helped my friend Catherine pack for a hiking trip across the Overland Track in Tasmania, Australia. She came over with her car full of knickknacks, unsure of what to take and what to leave behind. Fire starters, sleeping bag liners, headlamps, a shovel for bathroom breaks and lacy ...Read more

Medium Pulp

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

It was one of those rare special evenings. The kind you wish you could plan for, but just as with a star shooting across the night sky, you never can predict the moment your night will light up with wonder and possibility. My 19-month-old had given us the gift of falling asleep early and was tucked soundly in his crib. This was our moment.

The ...Read more

 

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