Humor

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Lingering in Lingerie

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

The only lingerie I own is from leftover costumes I've kept from my high school theater performances. I've never worn it off-stage, but it has hung in my closet for 20 years, somehow making the to-pack box as I've moved to and from countries and from one coast to the next.

I guess I figured I'd grow into it. Time would surely present the ...Read more

New Businesses

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Let us talk, for a moment, about goat yoga.

For me, it's a big naa-aa-aa-aah.

Weeks ago, my family visited a petting zoo. We walked among the goats as they stared at us with their evil eyes and rammed their bodies into us, forcing our kibble-cupping hands to lower, and we all laughed through gritted teeth, pretending it was fun. A ...Read more

Tick Trauma

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"His name is Howell!"

"OK, fine. Then I have to remove Howell," I said.

My daughter has a love of naming things -- even things that are latched on to her body and sucking her blood. I took out my tweezers and considered that perhaps she didn't understand that Howell, her newly named best animal friend, was a fat tick feeding off her and ...Read more

Bucket List

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I'd like to make a suggestion, if I may: Not all buckets are meant to be shared.

Bucket of popcorn, share away. Bucket of baseballs, game on. Bucket of ice, take the challenge! Bucket of blood, which happens to be the first thing that pops up when I Google "bucket of," sure, I guess. But maybe wear some protective gloves? Unless you're a ...Read more

Midlife Learning Disabled

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Did you really just fall out of your chair? In the middle of class? For no reason?" my brother asked me. He was a senior in high school. I was one year out of college.

At first, I was perplexed. What was he talking about? Fall out of my chair?

"Mrs. Russert told me you just used to fall out of your chair," he explained. Oh, Mrs. ...Read more

Merry-Go-Round

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Don't worry. He's fine," my son's kindergartener teacher said to me over the phone when I picked up her call at 11 a.m. "You just need to take him to the hospital for a broken ankle."

Clearly, his teacher's version of "fine" and my version are quite different.

After I sputtered out a few questions while scrambling to find my shoes, my keys ...Read more

Fashion Forward and Back

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"What would you call this dress?" I asked the salesgirl.

"I'd call it... 'Little House on the Prairie' chic."

"And that's a thing?" I asked.

"It's most definitely a thing," she replied.

I don't understand fashion. I would say I don't understand fashion anymore, but the truth is I never really understood it. It's just becoming more ...Read more

Spring Buzz

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"What's that black bug on the wall?" my kid asked.

"I dunno."

"Is it a wasp?"

"Dunno."

"Cockroach?"

"Dunno."

"Spider?"

"Dunno."

"Aren't you going to look at it?" he asked.

"Nope."

It's spring in my part of the world. The birds are chirping. The butterflies are fluttering. The flowers are blossoming. And every living creature that can...Read more

Bison Babies

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Lucas wants to marry Ellie," one mom said.

"Colton talks about marrying Sophie. Or Jade. Sometimes Ellie," said the other mom. They chuckled and then looked at me.

"Who does your boy want to marry?"

"A bison," I replied.

My son is 6. And he wants to marry a bison.

His friends are 6, too. But this seemed lost on their mothers as they ...Read more

Summoning Bears

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Bears are showing up all around my neighborhood.

Not real bears -- not yet. These are bears that have been carved out of dead and dying trees by amazing local artists -- huge tributes to nature that look as if they belong outside lodges of yesteryear. Some residents don't like the bear decor; some say it will summon the bears back into the ...Read more

Bang Bang Shrimp

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

We were on our second helpings at the Chinese buffet (my dad was technically on his second helping but six plates in), when the lights flickered out. There were a few sharp screams and then silence. The crowded restaurant was waiting, bated breath.

The lights came back on. My family members all made eye contact with one another -- except for ...Read more

A smell a week in the making

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Dear Lord, did someone die in here?"

We rolled down the windows. We blasted the air conditioning. I considered driving the car through the car wash with the sunroof open.

We had just returned to our car after it sat in the sun for a week while we went on a cruise. In our absence, something went wrong -- very, very wrong. What in all the ...Read more

 

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