ArcaMax

Palindrome Week, the most unnecessary of false holidays, is the celebration of balanced days. Supposedly.

This year, Palindrome Week began on July 10 and goes until July 19. That's because, when written out in numbers, each date appears as a palindrome: 7/10/17, 7/11/17, 7/12/17 and so on. Each is the same when you read it backward. Next year...Read more

The bimbo yellow Lab next door was named Shannon. I know this because my entire childhood was spent listening to myriad voices screaming, "Shannon! Get back! Shannon, come! Shannon, heel! Shannon, don't eat that squirrel! Shannon, dig a hole for that squirrel you just killed!"

I hated Shannon. So did my dog, a Portuguese water dog named Teddy. ...Read more

You have heard of Bigfoot sightings. You know the search continues for the Loch Ness monster. Thousands flock to Tasmania every year seeking out the thought-to-be-extinct Tasmanian tiger. A lucky few have witnessed unicorn sightings, alien sightings, fairy sightings -- but this weekend, I witnessed the rarest creature of all in the unlikeliest...Read more

I am currently on a juice fast.

The "fast" part is completely contradictory, because the days have never been so slow. The overly perky saleslady at the farmers market who seduced me into these three days of hell with health benefit claims -- Lose 25 pounds! Add 25 years to your life! Literally wind back the clock to be 25 again! -- ...Read more

"You have these lofty fantasies, and you see them as tangibles when they're really just delusional."

My husband, ladies and gentlemen.

He has said some version of this statement many times over the 14 years we have been together, including yesterday, when the above quote was stated after I suggested we spend the summer traipsing around Italy...Read more

My daughter doesn't know my name.

I don't mean that she is unable to say Katiedid Langrock. Most adults struggle with that one. I mean that she doesn't know "Mama." Or, more accurately, she doesn't seem to know that the name should belong to me.

My 19-month-old shocked me last week when she picked up one of our many Llama Llama books, ...Read more

In April, I wrote about a creature in our house. It's now creatures, plural -- creatures so fast that I have been unable to identify them. There have been many guesses as to what they are -- mice, moles, voles, alien life-forms, a wolf spider carrying her babies on her back. Look that last one up if you are looking for something to haunt your ...Read more

My son is 2 and scared of monsters behind the door; I reassure my baby that there is no such thing as monsters anymore. He doesn't believe me, so I try a new approach of telling stories about how we can cut off the monster encroach. Stories of a mama who tells her sweet child to kiss those fears goodbye. Stories of that sweet child deciding he...Read more

My son holds up six nearly identical Crayola crayons in his hand and presents them to me one by one.

"What's this one called?" he asks.

"Green."

"And this one?"

"Green."

"What about this one?"

"Green."

"No, Mama! What are their real names?"

Oh, how foolish of me. Have so many decades passed that I have forgotten the utter importance of ...Read more

There is a reason "diet" has the word "die" in it. It's because that's what diets make me want to do.

I have never been one to diet. I come from a family that can single-handedly close any buffet by throwing off the restaurant's ratio of cost to average food consumption. My dad won't even sit down to eat until he has at least four avalanche-...Read more

In my household, the chores are evenly divided. We both work. We both care for our kids. The cooking, dishes and overall tidying up tend to fall on me. Laundry and trash duties and caring for Pig, our house rabbit, tend to fall on my husband.

As with any division of labor, needs shift from time to time, making one person the bearer of far ...Read more

My life has become dishes. Now that we have two young children, my husband and I have had to face the grim reality that the diet we subsisted on in college -- made entirely of ramen noodles, Triscuits, Cheez Whiz and beer -- probably is no longer appropriate. At the very least, we would have to upgrade from light beer to a bock for the sake of ...Read more