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Spring Buzz

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"What's that black bug on the wall?" my kid asked.

"I dunno."

"Is it a wasp?"

"Dunno."

"Cockroach?"

"Dunno."

"Spider?"

"Dunno."

"Aren't you going to look at it?" he asked.

"Nope."

It's spring in my part of the world. The birds are chirping. The butterflies are fluttering. The flowers are blossoming. And every living creature that can...Read more

Bison Babies

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Lucas wants to marry Ellie," one mom said.

"Colton talks about marrying Sophie. Or Jade. Sometimes Ellie," said the other mom. They chuckled and then looked at me.

"Who does your boy want to marry?"

"A bison," I replied.

My son is 6. And he wants to marry a bison.

His friends are 6, too. But this seemed lost on their mothers as they ...Read more

Summoning Bears

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Bears are showing up all around my neighborhood.

Not real bears -- not yet. These are bears that have been carved out of dead and dying trees by amazing local artists -- huge tributes to nature that look as if they belong outside lodges of yesteryear. Some residents don't like the bear decor; some say it will summon the bears back into the ...Read more

Bang Bang Shrimp

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

We were on our second helpings at the Chinese buffet (my dad was technically on his second helping but six plates in), when the lights flickered out. There were a few sharp screams and then silence. The crowded restaurant was waiting, bated breath.

The lights came back on. My family members all made eye contact with one another -- except for ...Read more

A smell a week in the making

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Dear Lord, did someone die in here?"

We rolled down the windows. We blasted the air conditioning. I considered driving the car through the car wash with the sunroof open.

We had just returned to our car after it sat in the sun for a week while we went on a cruise. In our absence, something went wrong -- very, very wrong. What in all the ...Read more

Looking Homeless

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life."

My best friend from college had just finished telling me the story about how she, exhausted from mothering a kindergartener and newborn while studying for the bar exam, had been too tired to leave her booth at McDonald's. While her children entertained each other, she rested her head on her ...Read more

Mood Lipstick

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"Yo, your face is changing colors. You upset?"

"Yeah, dog, read my lips."

This is how I imagined conversations would unravel around the dinner table as I clutched $3 mood lipstick in my hands. It promised to change from orange to purple based on a mood change of calm to stressed. Without consideration as to whether orange or purple is my ...Read more

Deadline Week

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

Unpopular opinion: I loved exam weeks. There was something about those weeks of high stress, information overload and late-night cram sessions that felt charged with some kind of magical kinetic energy.

In high school, it was the only time of the year when I was allowed to spend the night at a friend's house on a school night. We would stay ...Read more

Social Fasting

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

When I was 20 years old and living in Australia, my roommate persuaded me to go on a seven-day fast. I -- someone who loves a buffet more than puppies on Christmas morning and who considers apple pie and Alison P., my best friend from elementary school, to be confidantes in equal measure -- was skeptical. But my roommate assured me the fast ...Read more

Box of Cheese

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

My high school friends were all in a group text on Valentine's Day. Those of us with kids began it around 8 p.m. because, well, we weren't doing anything. The married ones joined in around 9:30, having come home from their dinner. The dating friends joined the text conversation closer to 11 p.m., having wined and dined and, well, what have you...Read more

Pleasure Practice

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

"What's your pleasure practice?" my friend Lynn asked.

We were sitting in a cafe having coffee together. And by "together," I mean I was drinking coffee, which practically landed on her lap after she asked this question and it went out my nose and across the table. Otherwise, Lynn was drinking tea.

"Little personal, don't you think?" I ...Read more

Girl Scout Cookies

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I am now of the age when all of my friends' daughters are becoming Girl Scouts. They post pictures of their cute kids in their blue Daisy uniforms and talk about meetings and singing songs and everlasting friendships and sewing patches and community work.

It gives me hives.

I loathed every minute of my time in the oddly colored scratchy ...Read more

Tissue Cigarettes

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

When I was 13, all I wanted was to be popular. I wanted to sit with the popular kids. Eat with the popular kids. Be one of the popular kids.

So I started working on it. First on the agenda was clothing. All the cool kids were wearing jeans, so I had to have a pair. But in 1995, they didn't make jeans long enough for freakishly long limbs such ...Read more

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