When we had to put down our beloved rabbit at the end of last year, we wondered what to tell the children. Should we say he ran away to a bunny farm in the mountains where they learn to bunny yodel and knot sweaters from their own fur? Should we say he is eating carrots in the sky? Or should we say he went on a boozy bunny binge bender after ...Read more
"Someone got into something naughty last night," the front desk worker said.
"Not naughty," I replied. "Windy."
"Funny how no one else's unmentionables wound up in a tree," she said with a wink as she turned on her walkie-talkie and asked a fellow worker to come to my aid.
My husband and I just returned from a trip to the Caribbean. We went...Read more
Bicycles and I are not friends. We have a mutual understanding: If I don't get on one, one won't kill me. So when I moved across the country, I was shocked to find a bicycle in the moving truck along with my old dresser and beanbag chair. I demanded an explanation from my mom, who simply said, "One sunny day, you may wish you had one." How could...Read more
"Just ignore that," the woman at the car rental place said.
I looked at the light-up orange icon. The words "Oil Change Required" were blinking on the dashboard. Surely, I thought to myself, she knows her rentals well enough to make that call -- the way I know that my car can go another 23 miles before running out of gas after the "empty" ...Read more
Henri is back from the dead. I didn't believe it at first. Surely, I was being catfished. But after an extensive Google search, it was clear. Henri wasn't in the grave; he was in Bogota, Colombia.
It started with a simple Facebook message to one of our old roommates. He wished her a belated happy new year. She responded with elation and ...Read more
In less than an hour, I will be at the dentist. It will be the first time I have seen a dentist in three years. I know, gross.
It's not entirely my fault. The lapse in frequent visits began when I got pregnant with my daughter. It used to be common knowledge that you are not supposed to go to the dentist while incubating infants-to-be. The ...Read more
On Friday, a bunch of bearded white men in top hats and an overgrown squirrel sentenced me to six more weeks of winter. Personally, I think this winter has gone on long enough already. I'm ready for a change of scenery and temperature, and frankly, I'm ready to replace the marmot who has an affinity for seeing its shadow with a marsupial. Let'...Read more
Sometimes I think we live in the most insane country in the world. But when I read about the Nutella riots in France, I felt as if we're just the right amount of (hazel)nuts.
According to many sources, full-on hair-pulling, fist-pumping, leg-tripping, nose-bleeding riots broke out in supermarkets around the country after Intermarche offered a...Read more
Creator's Children: The Rise of AstwihadValerie Welsh
Having decimated the peaceful Trident race in the Deneb Star System, Astwihad and his clones are now targeting their next conquest; Earth!
Galaxie, Guardian of the Milky Way, must use all her cunning and knowledge to safeguard Earth and all those under her ...
Yesterday I found out that my website, the place from which I operate my business of coaching writers and offering classes, was taken down. Apparently, it had been attacked by malware. To access my site again, it will take a few hundred dollars, and then I will have to completely rebuild the whole webpage from scratch. This utterly frustrating, ...Read more
Date nights are rare in my world -- so rare that they have become a tad mythological. Sure, people claim there are unicorns walking through the woods having tea parties with Bigfoot. But have you ever seen it happen in person? That's how I feel about dinner and a movie.
A few friends of mine fill their Facebook news feeds with fancy dinners ...Read more
My 2-year-old daughter's New Year's resolution is, apparently, giving up pants.
That's not to say she has given up pants for skirts. She is not acquiescing to the patriarchy, nor has she developed some sort of weird skin rash that prefers skirts to the feeling of pants against her shins. There has been no toddler-sized religious reckoning or ...Read more
We knew that Pig was dying for about three months before we made that hard choice to put him down. Our 18-pound rabbit had been the most excellent pet and was loved dearly by his human younger siblings. Because Pig's tumor was visible, it was easy to talk to the kids about the cancer and prepare them for his death. Our eldest knew it was ...Read more
One of the hardest things about the holidays is that while we are connecting with the loved ones whom we typically don't get to see very often, we are totally not connecting with the ones we see every day. When your days are filled with visiting distant relatives (was that my first cousin twice removed or my great-niece?) and distant friends (...Read more