ArcaMax

"Did you really just fall out of your chair? In the middle of class? For no reason?" my brother asked me. He was a senior in high school. I was one year out of college.

At first, I was perplexed. What was he talking about? Fall out of my chair?

"Mrs. Russert told me you just used to fall out of your chair," he explained. Oh, Mrs. ...Read more

"Don't worry. He's fine," my son's kindergartener teacher said to me over the phone when I picked up her call at 11 a.m. "You just need to take him to the hospital for a broken ankle."

Clearly, his teacher's version of "fine" and my version are quite different.

After I sputtered out a few questions while scrambling to find my shoes, my keys ...Read more

"What would you call this dress?" I asked the salesgirl.

"I'd call it... 'Little House on the Prairie' chic."

"And that's a thing?" I asked.

"It's most definitely a thing," she replied.

I don't understand fashion. I would say I don't understand fashion anymore, but the truth is I never really understood it. It's just becoming more ...Read more

"What's that black bug on the wall?" my kid asked.

"I dunno."

"Is it a wasp?"

"Dunno."

"Cockroach?"

"Dunno."

"Spider?"

"Dunno."

"Aren't you going to look at it?" he asked.

"Nope."

It's spring in my part of the world. The birds are chirping. The butterflies are fluttering. The flowers are blossoming. And every living creature that can...Read more

"Lucas wants to marry Ellie," one mom said.

"Colton talks about marrying Sophie. Or Jade. Sometimes Ellie," said the other mom. They chuckled and then looked at me.

"Who does your boy want to marry?"

"A bison," I replied.

My son is 6. And he wants to marry a bison.

His friends are 6, too. But this seemed lost on their mothers as they ...Read more

Bears are showing up all around my neighborhood.

Not real bears -- not yet. These are bears that have been carved out of dead and dying trees by amazing local artists -- huge tributes to nature that look as if they belong outside lodges of yesteryear. Some residents don't like the bear decor; some say it will summon the bears back into the ...Read more

We were on our second helpings at the Chinese buffet (my dad was technically on his second helping but six plates in), when the lights flickered out. There were a few sharp screams and then silence. The crowded restaurant was waiting, bated breath.

The lights came back on. My family members all made eye contact with one another -- except for ...Read more

"Dear Lord, did someone die in here?"

We rolled down the windows. We blasted the air conditioning. I considered driving the car through the car wash with the sunroof open.

We had just returned to our car after it sat in the sun for a week while we went on a cruise. In our absence, something went wrong -- very, very wrong. What in all the ...Read more

"I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life."

My best friend from college had just finished telling me the story about how she, exhausted from mothering a kindergartener and newborn while studying for the bar exam, had been too tired to leave her booth at McDonald's. While her children entertained each other, she rested her head on her ...Read more

"Yo, your face is changing colors. You upset?"

"Yeah, dog, read my lips."

This is how I imagined conversations would unravel around the dinner table as I clutched $3 mood lipstick in my hands. It promised to change from orange to purple based on a mood change of calm to stressed. Without consideration as to whether orange or purple is my ...Read more

Unpopular opinion: I loved exam weeks. There was something about those weeks of high stress, information overload and late-night cram sessions that felt charged with some kind of magical kinetic energy.

In high school, it was the only time of the year when I was allowed to spend the night at a friend's house on a school night. We would stay ...Read more

When I was 20 years old and living in Australia, my roommate persuaded me to go on a seven-day fast. I -- someone who loves a buffet more than puppies on Christmas morning and who considers apple pie and Alison P., my best friend from elementary school, to be confidantes in equal measure -- was skeptical. But my roommate assured me the fast ...Read more