Have you seen my wallet?

Jase Graves on Feb 8, 2022

Terrible thoughts raced through her mind as she frantically wondered whether I had been in an accident–or arrested for public doofusness.

Apparently, the wallet had slipped out of my pocket and fallen onto the running board of my SUV, finally making a desperate leap for its freedom and landing on the shoulder of the highway. (Imagine Morgan Freeman narrating that last sentence.)

The trooper had found the wallet, my long-suffering credit cards, and an unusually large number of Mexican restaurant receipts when he stopped to move some debris out of the road.

Fortunately, I also keep my wife’s business card in the wallet – in case I get lost when I go to Walmart.

Even though it’s a relief to have my old wallet back, aggravating my sciatica and causing me to list to the left when I sit, I think it’s time for something new. My friends told me I should go buy a wallet with a chain, but I’m just not a chain kind of guy. Besides, with a chain wallet, I worry that I’d also be expected to get a neck tattoo – or be mistaken for that biker dude from the Village People.

I think the solution might be one of those newfangled wallets furnished with an Apple AirTag that you can track with your cellular device.

Now, if I could only find my iPhone.

Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas. His columns have been featured in Texas Escapes magazine, The Shreveport Times, The Longview News Journal, and The Kilgore News Herald. Contact Graves at susanjase@sbcglobal.net.