A treatise on males and faux-males
But as an absurd and attainable role model, Trump reassures them: You, too, can be a real man and still have a beanbag belly and Comedy Central hair. Why do you think it is that Trump is one of the few male politicians whose weight seems to be fair game for ridicule?
Me: I don't think weight is ever fair game for ridicule.
Gina: You yourself have called him "fat," in writing, at least five times in the last year alone. Would you like the citations?
Me: Thank you. No.
Gina: The point is, he makes this fair game by preening his appearance. It's his final attraction to the sexually insecure. He declares himself a hunk, and does it in a way any man, whatever his station in life, whatever his dimensions, whatever his muscle tone, can emulate.
Gene: What's that?
Gina: He lies about his weight. He says he is 6-foot-3 and weighs 239 pounds.
Gene: How do you know that's a lie?
Gina: Image-Google "Jay Cutler," the just-retired quarterback for the Chicago Bears.
Gina: As you are doing that I will point out that the hunky Mr. Cutler is almost exactly 6-foot-3 and weighs 239 pounds.
Gina: Let the record show you are laughing too hard to speak.
Gene: Wait. I am better now. The fact is, Trump could still be 239 pounds. Look at the quarterback and imagine that his rock-hard pecs and his taut, six-pack abs have gelatinized and oozed south, coalescing into an amorphous, cratered, flibbetty-floppity butt-gut amalgam moonscape?
Gina: I swoon.
Gene Weingarten can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.
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