Gene's true calling
Me: The cat does. The dog can't get into the sink, but the cat can. He knocks the pad down onto the floor, where the dog eats it.
Ingrid: That's not a good thing.
Me: Omigod. Do you think the cat is trying to murder the dog?
Me: I wouldn't put it past him.
Bush's reduced-sodium garbanzo beans
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Me: What exactly do reduced-sodium garbanzo beans taste like? My buddy Walter says raw tofu, but I say they're even blander, like congealed tap water, or that little wax bottle from Nik-L-Nip sugar-water candies. My wife says they're like licking the outside of a hard-boiled egg.
Kathleen: They don't taste much different than regular garbanzos; the only difference is less salt.
Me: Well, that's my point! It's crazy to try to improve garbanzo beans by removing the only thing that has some taste. It would be like trying to improve the Jimi Hendrix Experience by getting rid of Jimi, and leaving just the Experience. What do garbanzo beans taste like to you?
Kathleen: Like gritty dirt.