Heaven help us
Q: Do you deduce that because of all the suffering in the world?
A: No. I deduce that because "evolution" is an anagram for "I love u not."
Q: If God didn't create the universe, how do you atheists think it began?
A: With a Big Bang.
Q: Oh, yeah? Well, what came before the Big Bang?
A: The Big Diamond Ring.
Q: You don't know, do you?
A: No, but the prevailing scientific sentiment seems to be that because time began at the precise moment mass and energy did, there was no "before." So trying to answer this question is like trying to taste your own tongue.
Q: That sounds like a cop-out.
A: Well, there are other theories involving "branes" and colliding dimensions, but no one really understands them, even the physicists who came up with them.
Q: So you just accept it all ... on faith?
A: The pope is indeed Catholic.
Gene Weingarten can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.
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