Kellyanne Conway Plunges into the Mommy Wars

Still, and completely contrary to pre-pregnancy expectations, I found myself wanting to scale back after my daughters were born.

I did, with help from an accommodating employer. I took myself out of an editing role because I could not envision a family-friendly future on that track. I became an editorial writer, then a columnist, and worked every permutation of part-time work imaginable: three days a week, four short days so I could pick the girls up at school.

Now the nest is empty, and I am back full time plus. It was the right decision for me, and for my family. And if Conway were my friend, I would advise her to make the choice that feels right, but also that the cliches are true: The time with the kids goes so fast. You can’t get it back.

The Mommy Wars rage so fiercely because the emotions they evoke hit so close to home. The stay-at-home moms or mommy-trackers feel disrespected; the multitasking Superwomen feel even more judged, as Bad Mommies. Each side is inclined to feel slighted by the other.

Which is why Conway’s comments, especially in the raw aftermath of the Trump campaign, were destined to incite. Conway, Suzanne Monyak wrote for Slate, “seems to believe that it is the onus of the woman in a family to sacrifice her career opportunities so that her husband may have his. Even more troubling, Conway implies that no good mother should take on such a job -- an attitude that feels ripped out of ‘Mad Men.’”

But you don’t have to be stuck in the ‘60s to express queasiness about taking such a demanding job. And Conway didn’t say that wives should scale back to accommodate husbands so much as she seemed to recognize the current reality that, when something’s got to give, it’s the mom who’s going to do the giving.

In a perfect world, sure, maybe, the division of family labor would be perfectly equal. Meanwhile, as Conway said, “we still have to make choices and there are limits.” If her decision is to put time with kids over time in the Oval Office, that seems as entitled to respect as if she had chosen the opposite.

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Ruth Marcus’ email address is ruthmarcus@washpost.com.