Janay Rice is the Real Victim

"Embarrassing for him and his fiancee," said Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti. Embarrassing? For Rice, try obviously criminal. For Palmer, try potentially lethal.

But in Ravens Nation, Janay Rice is an integral part of the problem. Consider the May 23 news conference in which Rice apologized to "everyone who was affected by this situation that me and my wife were in" -- except, naturally, his wife.

Who was sitting by his side, looking like a captive in a hostage video and behaving accordingly. "I do deeply regret the role that I played in the incident that night," she said, in a comment that the Ravens promptly tweeted out. (The video shows her slapping Rice outside the elevator and coming toward him inside.) See? He was provoked.

Janay Rice is the most tragic, and the most puzzling, figure in this sordid episode. On Tuesday, she took to Instagram to lash out -- at the media.

"To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret everyday is a horrible thing," she wrote. "To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. ... Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!"

It is difficult for someone who has not been a victim of domestic violence to understand how she could stand by her abuser. It is difficult for someone who is an expert on domestic abuse to believe that this could be the only such episode.

"Even I as a former victim, I'm tempted to say she's pathetic, she's staying with him. But we've got to stop ourselves from doing that," said Leslie Morgan Steiner, whose book "Crazy Love" recounts the ugly cycle of violence and apology in domestic abuse.

"She loves him just like I loved my ex-husband even at the bitter end," Steiner told me. "I see somebody who is in denial about how much danger she's in, which is the most common thing that victims feel."

I feel for Janay Rice. But I think she should look at #WhyIStayed on Twitter and realize: she is the victim, not she and the dangerous man she married.

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Ruth Marcus' email address is ruthmarcus@washpost.com.