... continued from above

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a ...Read More

... continued from above

...Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

...Blenders - You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

...Coolers - Load them with beer and you can take them ...Read More

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else?" I asked.

"The first week they separate the men ...Read More

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In ...Read More

The test I gave my math class covered everything we'd studied all year -- fractions, percentages and portions of whole units.

But maybe I could have explained things better. To the question "What portion of a foot is...Read More

... continued from above

If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Darn me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

[Grab his/her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

Is it hot in here or ...Read More