NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"

...Read more

Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it!

Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation?
Answer: Sandy Eggo

Question: Why did the egg cross the street?
Answer: To get to the shell station.

Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe?
Answer: She ...Read more

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?"

Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken.

Seeing it ...Read more

(Culled from newspapers)

- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

- Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to...Read more

- An organic chemist turns into a foul odor.

- An analytical chemist turns into a procedure.

- A physical chemist turns into a straight line.

- A biochemist turns into a helix.

- A chemical engineer turns into a profit.

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender.

"One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!"

"Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika."

Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised ...Read more

Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't...Read more

Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!

Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear faced lyre!

Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

Q: What do you get if you ...Read more

After a long day of being called upon to visit an endless series of horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to the animal clinic.

Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow leak in one of my truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the service station.

The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with a tired ...Read more