Humor
/Entertainment
A Chemical is a Substance that:
- An organic chemist turns into a foul odor.
- An analytical chemist turns into a procedure.
- A physical chemist turns into a straight line.
- A biochemist turns into a helix.
- A chemical engineer turns into a profit.
Perestroika
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender.
"One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!"
"Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika."
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised ...Read more
Tough Job
Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't...Read more
For The Kids...
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!
Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear faced lyre!
Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you ...Read more
The Vet
After a long day of being called upon to visit an endless series of horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to the animal clinic.
Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow leak in one of my truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the service station.
The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with a tired ...Read more
Ricardo Montalban School Of Fine Acting
Ricardo teaches the Ricardo Montalban method of acting. Film, TV, commercials, the stage.
The U.S. Is Weird, But at Least We Don’t Have French-Fried Beaches & Condom Taxes | The Daily Show
The U.S. might have a lot of problems, but Troy Iwata reminds us that other countries aren't perfect, either! He dives into an impersonal Chinese app for checking that your loved ones are alive without having to talk to them, french fries in England trying to drown themselves in the ocean, and militarized roaches in Germany, in a new segment ...Read more
Conan Learns How To Speed Skate At The 2002 Olympics | Late Night with Conan O’Brien
(Original airdate: 2/26/02) Conan learns what it takes to become an Olympic speed skater.
The Girl Who Roasted Herself: Selma Blair’s Funniest Moments 2012
Selma Blair might be the most relatable guest ever! In this hilarious interview from 2012, she opens up about her "rubble" teeth, her "inner thigh pie" insecurities, and admits she accidentally killed Craig's joke about horses. 🐴
Ella Purnell's American Accent Is So Good Her Co-Star Didn't Believe She's British
Ella Purnell talks about her American accent being so good that a co-star didn't believe she's British, having to lookout for bones and hyenas while filming Fallout and some of her worst audition stories.
Sales Competition
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'Best Deals'.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'Lowest Prices'.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the ...Read more
Big Sale Day
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man's second attempt, he ...Read more
Baste A Turkey
A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure.
Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew...Read more
Pull Buddy
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull...Read more
Expensive?
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a ...Read more
Ice Cream Humor
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
A. In floats
Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!
Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?
A: Ice Cream
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
A: Pi a...Read more
For The Kids...
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window...!
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out?
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Well sit still and don't stir!
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of ...Read more
Cynicism
A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
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...Read more
Bubba and Bobby Joe
Bubba and Bobby Joe rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. Bubba said to Bobby Joe,
"Mark this here spot so that we can come back right here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the Bubba asked Bobby Joe, "Bobby Joe, did you mark that there spot like ah tole ya?"
His...Read more
Idiots are Among Us
DEER CROSSING
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE...Read more
