Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn't find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue.

After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. "Mark," she called to her co-worker, "what are we calling black this year?"

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she ...Read more

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC.

A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.

The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. ...Read more

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.

"Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, ...Read more

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

This simple three question test illustrates how often politicians must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Do Politicians lie?

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. "Who are we to interfere with God's will?" they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.

The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely ...Read more

Bob was in trouble as he'd forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was extremely upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a box gift-...Read more

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have...Read more

What is the most faithful insect?
A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!

What insect runs away from everything?
A flee!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

What to you call a Russian flea?
A Moscow-ito!

Two fleas where ...Read more