After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he ...Read more

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."

Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar.

A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"

"Sure," he says.

So the bartender ...Read more

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells!"

Doctor...Read more

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things: First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."

"I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" the warden asked.

Replied ...Read more

It's not what you say, but the way you say it.

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."

The girl was very flattered.

What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

Some ordinary folks become great philosophers when they are sitting alone in the bathroom stalls of the world contemplating life's problems. Here are a few gems.

Make love, not war. Heck, do both, get married! - Women's restroom. Bozeman, Montana

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. - Houghton Library, Harvard ...Read more

1. You attend a weekly coupon club.

2. You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.

3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.

4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.

5. You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.

6. You haven't purchased a name brand product...Read more

- A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

- An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

- Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog...Read more

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general "go-fer" at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman ...Read more

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"

Gus ...Read more

A pirate walks into a bar with a mangy, infected parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, "You shouldn't be that close to something so disgusting, such a low-life animal."

The pirate says, "Arr, it's ok, he's had his shots."

Then the bartender says, "I was talking to the parrot!"

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George's mother-in-law died.

With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body ...Read more

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached ...Read more