An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children's message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the ...Read more

A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness when he stopped and said, “Your honor, a juror is asleep.”

The Judge ruled, “You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up.”

I hadn't recorded a greeting yet on my new answering machine, so when my mother came to visit, I asked her to tape one.

"This is Marcia's mother," my machine announced. "Marcia is an only child; she never writes, she never calls. So why not give me a buzz? I'd be happy to talk to you. My number is..."

Everyone called my mother. She loved...Read more

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person.

"However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?"

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

"When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to ...Read more

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up ...Read more

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.

"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?"one asked.

"He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his co-worker replied.

"How was he going to do it?"

"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from Caddy and, well, ...Read more

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, ...Read more

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The preacher said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher." ...Read more