Humor
/Entertainment
What the teacher says and (what the teacher means)
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(...Read more
Firing Squad
Jerry, Perry, and Cletus get captured and are placed before a firing squad. They are about to be executed when Jerry exclaims, "Look...Hurricane" and points to his left while he gets away.
Perry follows up with, "Look...Tornado," points and gets away.
Finally Cletus tries to do the same thing and says "Fire!"
On the Way to Heaven
One day a Jerry, Perry, and Cletus were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So Jerry made it to the 45th step and laughed.
Perry made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But Cletus made it to the ...Read more
Secret Formula
The police recently busted a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....
Fishing Trip
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his ...Read more
Conan Visits Finland's Underpants Museum | Late Night with Conan O’Brien
(Original air date: 4/26/06) Conan visits a very strange art exhibit in bonus footage from his trip to Finland.
Ringo Starr on Watching Paul McCartney Perform, New Beatles Movies & Abbey Road Album Cover
Ringo talks about not smoking weed anymore, seeing his friend Paul McCartney perform recently, doing a duet together on Paul’s upcoming album, traveling and sharing hotel rooms with Paul McCartney, John Lennon and George Harrison, Sam Mendes making movies about each of the Beatles, hanging out with Barry Keoghan who is playing him in the Ringo...Read more
Henry Winkler Has a Bone to Pick with Larry David Over Curb Your Enthusiasm
Henry Winkler talks about the time he saw Brad Pitt at a basketball game hosted by Adam Sandler, starring in Larry David's sketch comedy show The 250th and the time he opened and closed a Broadway play in one night.
Kelly Clarkson Meets Steve Schirripa's Viral Dog Willie
Steve Schirripa dishes on his surprising turn from being a mobster on "The Sopranos" to writing a children's book about his viral food-loving dog Willie. Steve shares how Willie has become a world-wide phenomenon, and Willie makes a surprise appearance on the show!
Jack Black Explains Why He Stormed Off The Set Of “Tropic Thunder” | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend
Jack Black and Conan have the most random thing in common: they were both bucked off of water buffaloes.
Amazing Discovery
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. ...Read more
Writing Prescriptions
Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?
The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.
Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium.
It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary.
And to top it off, his daughter played...Read more
Different Types
A Canadian, a Russian and an American all wanted to show off to each other so they each bought a new toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toilet, the Canadian bought a marble toilet, and the American bought a musical toilet.
The next day, the Canadian came back to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off of it...Read more
Chemical Plant Fire
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the ...Read more
Car Chase
One evening, two Alabama State Trooper patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Chevy Camaro going east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, "Hey Sarge, why did you stop?"
The Sarge replied, "You stupid rookie! That guy's...Read more
Willie Nelson On Weed, Writing "Crazy" and More | David Letterman
Is Willie carrying? (From "Late Show," air date: 11/21/12)
Paul Simon Takes The Colbert Questionert
If you don't know who performed at his first concert, or which animal he fears most, do you really know music legend Paul Simon?
Prediction Markets: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
John Oliver discusses prediction markets – platforms where you can bet on basically anything, from the weather to the war in Iran – the legal and moral questions posed by their existence, and why Shayne Coplan needs better friends. Ones that would never let him look like a “peed rider.”
“Weird Al” Yankovic on Big Artists Wanting Him to Parody Their Songs, Playing Accordion & New Tour
Weird Al talks about the last time he saw Jimmy, owning the nickname “Weird,” getting his start in college radio, writing "My Bologna," big artists like Madonna wanting him to parody their songs, "White & Nerdy” being his biggest hit, bowling for charity with Pee-Wee Herman & Little Steven, learning to play accordion when he was very young...Read more
American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up
Recent findings by the ABPA have concluded that the optimal way for Americans to eat a baked potato is to pile that sucker sky with whatever toppings they can get their hands on and just go to town.
