St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single ...Read more

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"

After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"

At this ...Read more

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"

Gus ...Read more

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lisa!
Lisa who?
Lisa you can do is let me in!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lisbon!
Lisbon who?
Lisbon married eight times!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Liszt!
Liszt who?
Liszt of ingredients!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady!
...Read more

"It's autumn in New York. You can tell too. Today I saw a sidewalk vendor putting anti-freeze in the hot dog water." --Dave Letterman

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"Regis Philbin says his upcoming Christmas album will feature a duet with him and Donald Trump. I guess the idea is you play it when you want your relatives to go home." --Jay Leno

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer...Read more

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly zooms by, startling them.

One turns to the other and says, "Boy, you'll never get ME up in one of those things."

Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said.

Flood smiled.

"In fact, roomie,'' Gibson continued, "If I hit the way ...Read more

Where do ants go to eat?
At a restaurant!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Antteneye!

What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian!

What kind of ants are very learned?
Pedants!

What do you call a smart ant?
Elegant!

What do you call a rich frog?
A golf blooded reptile!