Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?"

My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she ...Read more

- We got off the Titanic first.

- We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

- Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

- We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

- We can cry and get off speeding fines.

...Read more

While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.

"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."

No body

No body

No body

No body

No body

-You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

-You sleep with your eyes open.

-You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

-The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

-You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

-You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

-Your eyes stay open...Read more

- Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

- Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.

- Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

- Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

- Take a flutter board and pretend ...Read more

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

- You consider McDonald's "real food."

- You actually like doing laundry at home.

- 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.

- It starts getting late on the weeknights.

- Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

- You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.

- You'd rather clean than study.

- Half the time you ...Read more

- British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands

- Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

- Eye Drops Off Shelf

- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

- Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

- Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

- Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

- Miners ...Read more