Humor
/Entertainment
The Loss of a Great Institution
If you missed it, a major American political party clawed itself to death.
Aches and Pains
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a ...Read more
Signs That You Are Cheap
1. You attend a weekly coupon club.
2. You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.
3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.
4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.
5. You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.
6. You haven't purchased a name brand product...Read more
Pushy Drunk
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.
"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door ...Read more
Diagnosis
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear ...Read more
You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When...
*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
*You sleep with your eyes open
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward
*You lick your coffee pot clean
*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
*...Read more
Funny Soup
Waiter, this soup tastes funny?
Then why aren't you laughing!
What do you get if you cross a US President with a shark?
Jaws Washington!
Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?
Because they run over sleepers!
Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach!
How do we ...Read more
For The Kids...
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender said "Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits here"!
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people!
What's the witches favourite pop group?
Broomski Beat!
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party?...Read more
James Corden: Diane Lane & Paul Rudd Recreate 'Titanic'
After learning Diane Lane auditioned for 'Pretty Woman' and Paul Rudd for 'Titanic' - he asks the pair to recreate the classic scene on the front of the boat.
Jimmy Fallon: Thank You Notes - The Bachelor, Office Bathrooms
Jimmy pens thank you notes to Pope Francis, crossword puzzles and other things.
A monthly bill from the law firm
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.
Then he noticed one item buried in ...Read more
Cat Rules of Hampering
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":
1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on...Read more
Funny Quotes
"War of The Worlds" is continuing to do huge business. You know the H.G. Wells classic where the earth is invaded by aliens and they can't be stopped. They went from city to city vaporizing everything in their path. And California still voted to give them driver's licenses." --Jay Leno
---
"President Bush had a minor bike accident ...Read more
Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle
1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."
3. "I was working smarter-not harder."
4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."
5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning ...Read more
Hang-gliding
Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge-- into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin ...Read more
