ArcaMax

An eight speed automatic is standard (the Cayenne and Range Rover also have eight-speeds; the Benz comes with a seven speed) as is a full-time all-wheel-drive system. The X5's - like the systems you'll find in the others - is there chiefly to modulate the power, which would otherwise be Too Much for the general public to deal with. Think about it. A 1970 Hemi 'Cuda - one of the brutal original-era muscle cars - was sporting a mere 426 hp. The X5 M has nearly 150 more hp than the legendary Street Hemi. You do not put that kind of power down using just two wheels.

Michelin would have to keep the tire factory running double shifts to keep up with the demand for fresh Pilots - and the insurance mafia would stroke out. There would be congressional hearings, probably - and what about the children? AWD is a way to keep a lid on things.

It helps keep these berserkers accelerating in a straight line rather than sideways. The original muscle car era was kiboshed in part because of the perceived run-amokness of rear-wheel-drive performance cars with maybe 350-400 or so honesthp under the hood. With AWD - and wrapped up in crossover SUV camouflage, BMW, et al, can get away with selling 500-plus hp rides and (so far) no squeals of outrage about "safety" from the usual quarter. Plus it actually is safer.

That much power funneled through just two wheels (those wheels shod with "summer" ultra-performance tires) would be a disaster on anything but the driest of roads. In snow, you'd be as helpless as Ned Beatty by the side of the river on that ill-fated canoe trip.

The X5's AWD/eight-speed automatic has (like the others) driver-programmable settings that can be tailored to suit your mood - from Comfort to Sport Plus. In addition to the transmission/AWD and suspension settings, you can also tailor steering feel and chassis damping to suit. Noteworthily, you can adjust these parameters individually and independently. So, for instance, you can leave the steering effort in Normal (a bit more assisted than it would be in Sport) with Sport Plus mode engaged for the drivetrain. Like memory seats, you can also program the settings you prefer into the system and engage them with the touch of a single button as opposed to having to punch up the settings you want each time you go for a drive - after your wife has gone for a drive.

ON THE ROAD

The four minute mile is considered pretty much the extreme limit of human performance. The performance of cars seems to be nowhere close to the limit. They keep on getting stronger and stronger. Faster and faster. Here we have a 5,200 pound SUV that will run mid-high12 second quarter miles all day long (or as long as the tires and gas last) while idling as smoothly as a Bill Cosby denial - without overheating, either.

While carrying five people - with the AC humming and the tunes playing through the 16 speaker Bang & Olufsen ultra-premium audio rig.

It barks a little through the free-flowing dual exhaust and quad tips when you first fire it up - like the better-pay-attention-to-it guttural growl of a semi-sleeping Rottweiler. But otherwise, it's a pussycat. Until you want battlecat.

There is so much torque - more than 500 ft.-lbs. of it available when the engine's idling - that the X5 M is actually easier and more comfortable to drive in stop-and-go traffic than most economy cars. Because the least touch of the accelerator results in near-teleportation. Supposedly, Elvis wore that cape on stage because it made him feel like a superhero - which helped him overcome stage fright. The X5 M will make you feel like a superhero, too. The moment you first give it full pedal, you will know the feeling of stepping into that phone booth and ripping off your Clark Kent sunglasses.

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