The God Squad: The difference between pain and suffering

Q: I think I learn about life and spiritual well-being as I enjoy reading your articles in our local newspaper. I just read your "Honoring the Dead" piece and once again, I was struck by the human suffering and challenges that life presents.

The offering you included in the piece was from H. H mentioned that his father was a prolific reader (his first name was Read) and that his father had lost his eyesight. And, just yesterday I made a call to the wife of a well-known, well-liked local man who was dying from a very recent cancer diagnosis and had chosen to live his final days at home with the support of a professional end-of-life care group. She mentioned to me how hard it was for her to watch her husband suffering.

These were two examples of such great "psychological, physical, material" suffering and challenges presented to people that I became aware of the same day. Wow.

In some of your past articles that I read, I know you have spoken to this. Something like the Material as opposed to the Spiritual being. Very different "aspects", if you will, of human life. And if I recall, separating the two can help in dealing with life's struggles. Can I ask you to consider offering another God Squad piece on helping us deal with life's serious struggles? Trying to get through the suffering. Thank you. – (From S in Kenosha, Wisconsin)

A: The main thing I know is that pain and suffering are not the same. Pain is not a choice. Suffering is a choice. If you drop a heavy object on your foot you will — you must — feel pain. It is a natural reaction to an assault on your well-being. Suffering, on the other hand, is a choice we make to let our pain break us. We need not make the choice to suffer. We can choose instead to accept the pain and overcome the pain and manage the pain. The great gift of faith is that it teaches us how to choose not to suffer.

What are the paths of faith that help us to overcome suffering?

One path is acceptance. My favorite spiritual teaching of acceptance is found in a letter from an anonymous Confederate soldier:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;

I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy;

I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;

I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among all, most richly blessed.

This teaching of acceptance is a major pillar of Eastern religious thought, as well. The goal of Buddhism is overcoming suffering called dukkah. Lao Tzu, the 6 th-century Chinese philosopher who founded Taoism wrote:

Be content with what you have

Rejoice in the way things are

When you realize there is nothing lacking

The whole world belongs to you

Another spiritual element in the teaching of how to choose to avoid suffering is fearlessness. The most frequent passage in the entire Bible is “Be not afraid.” (Heb: lo irah). It is the most famous promise in the most famous psalm, Psalm 23, “Yea, though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.”

The source of courage is the belief that we face the travails of life with a loving God accompanying us on our journey. The religious life does not guarantee us lives free of pain but it does guarantee us lives free of suffering if we will just trust in God’s saving power.

Spiritual fearlessness is not a remote achievement. The power to choose not to suffer is within each and every one of us.

I once saw a street artist who called herself Dawn of Santa Fe selling decorated paint can lids near the ocean in California. She was ragged but smiling and for some reason when I approached her she held up a paint can lid with this message on it,

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you know; and are about to step off the cliff into the unknown; faith is knowing one of two things will happen, there will be something solid to stand on...or...you will be taught how to fly!”

Amen

(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)