Life Advice

/

Health & Spirit

To Commit, or Not to Commit?

Carolyn Hax on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

My boyfriend of three years proposed to me 10 months ago. I wasn't ready; he's been patient. He's now eager to know one way or the other and neither of us wants to waste more time (early 30s), but I am completely torn.

I feel like he is my soul mate and we connect on an otherworldly level. In a vacuum, this would be bliss.

But I hesitate to commit fully because I am religious and he does not want to participate, even for my sake. I am also very spiritual and have a hard time saying yes to a life where I know I will not grow and connect spiritually/religiously with my spouse.

I've tried therapy, we've tried giving each other space, and we've tried living our lives together until I arrive at an eventual conclusion, none of which has worked. This is tearing us apart, as individuals and as a couple. What now?

-- To Commit, or Not to Commit?

Since you've tried everything else, the only remaining choice is to leave for good -- not "give each other space," but exit decisively enough for you both to start healing and building new lives without each other.

For the sake of argument, though: You say, "we connect on an otherworldly level" -- and then, "I know I will not grow and connect spiritually/religiously with my spouse." Which is it?

"On an otherworldly level" and "spiritually" sound like the same connection to me. That would mean your sole disconnection is organized religion -- and while that's clearly no small thing to you, it's also not fair to assume spiritual growth with him is a nonstarter. But then, I don't believe people need religion to be spiritual; if you believe otherwise, then we're back to Paragraph 1.

...continued

swipe to next page
Copyright 2013 Washington Post Writers Group

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus

Social Connections

Comics

Cul de Sac Fort Knox Dogs of C-Kennel Archie Cathy Non Sequitur