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Author Bio:
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
TEEN'S LIE ABOUT HIS PAST JEOPARDIZES FUTURE WITH GIRL
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old guy in my sophomore year of high school.
I am known as a friendly, outgoing guy who gets along with girls. My
problem is, I used to be one of the biggest jerks who ever was. I was
involved in fighting and other things I won't go into. But I turned my
life around.
I was going out with an amazing girl, "Samantha." She always kept me in line, but was sweet about it. Recently, because I was ashamed of my past, I lied to her. She found out about it and, needless to say, she was very hurt. When I saw how hurt she was, I was sick to my stomach knowing how much pain I had caused such a trusting girl.
I want to make things right, but I don't know where to start. I have talked to her since then, but things aren't the same. Please help. -- LOVESICK IN KENNEWICK, WASH.
DEAR LOVESICK: Apologize again to Samantha for not being completely truthful with her, and explain that you lied because you were ashamed about your past behavior and only wanted someone as special as she is to see you in a good light. Promise never to do it again.
If she likes you as much as you like her, she'll give you another chance. But remember, from here on you will have to be honest because if she catches you in another lie, she won't believe another word that comes out of your mouth. Enough said?
DEAR ABBY: I am blessed with many wonderful friends. We exchange small gifts on birthdays and at Christmas. As much as I appreciate the gifts, I am running out of room in my closets because I have too much stuff. Sometimes the gifts are not to my taste or they don't fit in with my decor.
How long should I keep an item before I donate it to a thrift shop? Is it ungracious to give it away? Am I obligated to display or use something I don't like?
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I have tried suggesting that at our ages (50s and 60s) we should cut out the gift-giving, donate the money to charity and celebrate by going out to lunch on our birthdays. It didn't go over very well. They all enjoy the exchange of presents. I am happy to give one, but I really don't need anything more. Thanks for your help. -- TOO BLESSED IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.
DEAR TOO BLESSED: It's not ungracious to give away something you can't use -- in fact, the practice is so common there is a name for it. It's called "regifting." It won't cause hurt feelings as long as you are careful not to give an item back to the person who give it to you.
Donating something to a thrift shop is also a practical way to get rid of it, and you can do it anytime you wish. One person's "castoff" can be another's treasure. Everybody wins and a worthwhile charity makes money.
Because you are "thinged out" and prefer divesting to accumulating, I recommend you stop "suggesting" and have a frank talk with your friends. Tell them you have everything you need, that their friendship -- which you already have -- is the most precious gift they could ever give you, and on birthdays from now on you'd much prefer meeting for your celebratory lunch, but please to donate whatever they'd spend on your gift to charity. After that, the ball's in their court.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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This news arrived on: 11/07/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-12-2009 03:31
4myk9z wrote:
Gifts
We have dealt with "gifts" for our aging parents who are now on limited incomes but want for nothing the following ways: subscribe to their FAVORITE magazine or pay for their newspaper for a specific length of time (it's quite expensive to still get a hard copy but they are used to it and haven't adapted to reading on the computer), add them to a "Family Plan" on your cell phone for just a small fee (they generally don't use them except for absolute emergencies and you have peace of mind knowing they can at least dial "911 send"!)... and of course there is the old stand-bye that my sister and brother use which is to give them "Bob Evans" gift cards which they LOVE since they eat there a couple of times a week and have their "cronies" that they meet up with there and socialize with as well. The OTHER REALLY great idea we have used for those who aren't so close is to solicit donations for the company who has given my mom a grant to receive treatment for her Wet Macular Degeneration which she otherwise could not afford and is not covered by Medicare. The cost of these little "closet cloggers" could actually be saving someone's sight.
11-09-2009 20:15
Marge wrote:
gifts
My family, now that I am in my 60's, are great about giving me consumables...food things, candy, special soaps and fresh flowers are things that I love to get and give to other seniors. We all seem to have too much stuff and things that were needed when we were younger are no longer getting any use and we sure don't want more of them. This is especially true of things that we collected when we were younger that are now in storage boxes...a big waste and destined for the local charity thrift shop.
11-08-2009 00:26
Linda wrote:
too much stuff
Suggest to your friends that you all could start something like white elephant gifts. something nice that you have, but don't need or want anymore, or regifting things that other people your friends don't know have given you. Recycling and all that.
11-07-2009 18:50
Carolyn wrote:
regift, too much stuff
If you are going to regift a item. Like Abby said do not give it back to the person who gave it. Also, do not give it to some one who knows that person. How could you explain the vase Aunt Mary gave you is at cousin's Barbs house and she said it was a gift from you? A gift card is also nice. There is bank gift cards that can be used any place. I would like to be invited over for a meal and movie. The best gift is one from the heart because they want to not have to. I have gave a coffee mug and German coffee for a gift, they loved coffee.
11-07-2009 18:01
Anne wrote:
Gifts
My suggestion was going to be to let them know that you would prefer consumables. If there is something that you use alot of, of enjoy, let your friends know in conversation now.
I love bath items. So some of my friends usually give those to me. I am set for the year after Christmas, which saves me money and they know their gifts are used. You might find out that some of your friends feel the same way.
I love bath items. So some of my friends usually give those to me. I am set for the year after Christmas, which saves me money and they know their gifts are used. You might find out that some of your friends feel the same way.
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