Your email address is safe with us. View our Privacy policy.
Author Bio:
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
FRIEND IN NEED IS REPAID WITH BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: Please print this for me on behalf of myself and all the
other well-intentioned folks out there who have lent money to others.
"Dear Friend, Family Member or Co-Worker: You came to me in a state of panic -- unable to make your car payment, pay your lawyer's fee, your taxes or the light bill. You asked for my help. I gave it to you because I respected and trusted you enough to go out on a limb for you. Please honor your promise to repay me without my having to ask you.
"Please don't show up in a new car or with photos on your new cell phone from your exotic vacation until I have been repaid. Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as if that erases the loan. And please do not ask for another loan while you still owe me money!"
Abby, I know you'll say I should have drawn up official papers for the loan but, the truth is, few people expect to be shafted by the people they care about. All someone who owes money has to do is pick up the phone, initiate a payment plan and then stick to it. -- FEELING USED IN NEW BRIGHTON, PA.
DEAR FEELING USED: Your problem isn't a new one. William Shakespeare wrote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I would be remiss if I didn't stress to you -- and the rest of my readers -- the importance of talking to a lawyer or CPA before lending any significant amount of money to anyone. (By "significant" I mean any amount that you can't afford to lose.) If papers are drawn up and for some reason the borrower is unable to repay the loan, there could be a tax benefit for the lender.
DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my husband of 28 years has end-stage leukemia. I worked in the medical field for years and have been around a lot of sick people, but this is "unreal" for me. I'm in a state of shock, and terrified about what lies ahead.
I have told all our children except our daughter, "Pearl." Pearl is pregnant and has miscarried three times. She knows her father hasn't been well, but she doesn't know the current facts. When her father first became ill, Pearl told me that if I ever withheld any critical information about it from her she would never forgive me. She lives in another state, far from us. I am worried if I tell her about her dad's condition she'll have complications with her pregnancy. But if I don't and her dad worsens, Pearl might not get to see him in time.
Am I wrong to keep this from her? Should I tell her? I don't want to increase her stress and risk of having another problem with her pregnancy. -- SUFFERING IN SILENCE
DEAR SUFFERING: When Pearl first learned of her father's diagnosis, she put you on notice. Because your other children know your husband's condition has worsened, what is to prevent one of them from letting something slip?
Call your daughter and let her know her dad's condition has worsened, but that he's getting the best treatment available. Do not announce that he is dying. She'll catch on to that fact as she talks to you, her other siblings and to her father as time progresses.
Much as you would like to, you can't protect Pearl from this reality. Better she experience the loss of her father along with you and her siblings than to learn later that she was left out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL UCLICK
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.
This news arrived on: 11/05/2009
Printer Friendly Version | Send this page to a friend | Post Comment
Rate This Story:
Great - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - Bad
Posted Comments:
11-06-2009 12:32
guest wrote:
loans to friends
Don't every lend more money to a friend than you can afford to lose. My personal policy is always to consider any "loan" to a friend a gift without expectation of repayment. Friendships are more important than money. That being said, however, I have never lent big sums (we're talking 20 bucks here and there maybe) so it's never been a painful loss if it's been a loss and I always kiss the money goodbye when I give it so it doesn't eat at me. And if you "go out on a limb" to help a friend at a risk to yourself, you will eventually fall out of the tree.
11-05-2009 17:34
Anne wrote:
Suffering in Silence
Since Pearl knows her father is ill, she isn't going to be shocked enough to cause a miscarriage. If she has a miscarriage, it was going to happen anyway. However, finding out that you shut her out and withheld information from her, especially if she is unprepared and he does die, will be a bigger shock to her. That is more dangerous than honesty is.
11-05-2009 15:42
jh wrote:
dad's illness
For gosh sakes, let the daughter know. Information was withheld from me by my husband about my mother. To this day, 42 years later, I still get angry and upset thinking about it. I know it would have hurt to know at the time, but I would feel better towards my husband now. I will never forgive him.
11-05-2009 13:59
Candy wrote:
Dad's illness
Call and talk to Pearls husband, let him know what's going on, tell him to talk to Pearls OB/GYN and let her/him know that Pearl is going to be in a lot of termoil from this and ask what the best thing to do is. Then in the same phone conversation, talk to Pearl. Tell her her father is terminally ill. If you try and not say the words, she's going to ask anyway and there's no way of getting around this. Unfortunatley, there's no way you can prevent her from having a miscarriage anymore than you can prevent your husbands departure. My condolences to you and your family.
11-05-2009 13:45
Anthony Moore wrote:
Bad Loan Tax Benefit
However, any tax benefit gained is no more than a percentage at best, and is subject to the itemized deduction rules.
Comment archive | Comment FAQ's
 |
 |
View Dear Abby ezine stories by date or visit the complete archive |
The ArcaMax Politics channel is one of 70 content categories offered by ArcaMax Publishing on this ... |
VideoSquares.com
