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Author Bio:
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
WIFE WHO SLIMMED DOWN IS PUMPING UP HER SOCIAL LIFE
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Laura," and I have been married 15
years. She recently had gastric bypass surgery and has lost 80 pounds
so far.
The last time Laura was slim (about seven years ago), she had an affair with a co-worker and we nearly divorced. With her current weight loss, she is now going out with friends from work one night a week. This means that after all the activities we have scheduled for our kids, there is no night for us. I have had two weekends off in the last six weeks. During both of them Laura went to Las Vegas with her friends.
I'm pleased that my wife is happy with her looks, and I don't want to appear insecure, but I can't help but feel it's "deja vu all over again." When I ask where she's going, who she's going with and why now, she gets angry and says she won't put up with my "insecurities." We went to counseling after the affair, but Laura lied and denied she'd had one. I would really appreciate some advice. -- YO-YO HUSBAND IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR YO-YO HUSBAND: Your wife may think it's an invasion of her privacy to be asked where she's going, when she'll be back and who she's spending her time with -- but that's the kind of accountability people sign up for when they have a spouse and children. Your insecurity is understandable in light of her past infidelity.
The fact that she'd rather go to Las Vegas for the weekend than spend some alone time with you sends a strong message. I think you already know your marriage is in trouble, so offer your wife the option of marriage counseling. If she refuses -- which wouldn't surprise me -- go without her. A licensed therapist will help you understand the dynamics of what's going on and help you reach some important conclusions about your future.
DEAR ABBY: It's apparent that the art of saying "thank you" has gone by the wayside. I'm a widow with limited funds who likes to surprise relatives with nice gifts on special occasions. I sent a food gift to one of them as a housewarming present. Her mother wrote and thanked me, but added that it gave her a stomachache and she was sick for three days!
I shopped carefully for a niece who was starting kindergarten. I selected a sweet "girly" backpack in her favorite color with butterflies and a smattering of sparkles. Her mom responded that I should have bought a bigger one with a metal frame so she could also use it for family outings, the beach, the zoo, etc. -- as if I knew which ones she liked THIS week.
I sent a classic silk blouse to a young woman who was starting her first office job. Her mother told me she would have preferred something more "youthful."
What is wrong with just saying "thank you"? -- IRRITATED AUNT IN MIAMI
DEAR IRRITATED AUNT: Nothing is wrong with it; in fact, "thank you" is the appropriate and gracious response. But what these mothers are really telling you is that they never taught their daughters one of the important social graces -- how to send a prompt and courteous acknowledgment for any gift they receive. They're also telling you that in the future, you should save your money.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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This news arrived on: 10/23/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-24-2009 22:09
Carolyn wrote:
thank you cards
The next time some thing comes up and you want to send some thing. Send a very nice card. Take the money you would of used to buy a gift buy and treat yourself , take a friend out for lunch or give the money to church. They can not complaine about what they do not get! Do some thing with the money that you will enjoy.
10-24-2009 09:19
Lorrainepttsfld wrote:
Irritated Aunt
Just stop buying gifts for your family. On the oiccasion where a "gift" is expected just say you're tired of being chastised for buying the wrong present and therefore are ot buying any more. Period. You sure do have one ungrateful family. I bet that little girl LOVES that backpack. Women of all ages wear silk blouses. I think Samantha is wrong. You should not say "This is not my style....." You should say "Thank you" and ask the aunt is she has the receipt because you'd rather have a different type of shirt and could they both go back to the store and pick out something together. Even the minor excuse you don't want to stain such a pretty shirt is enough to keep the aunt happy.
10-23-2009 19:09
AnneB wrote:
Doesn't ANYONE notice that, in each of the cases, the gift recipient's MOTHER wrote the "thank you" note?
"I sent a classic silk blouse to a young woman who was starting her first office job. Her mother told me she would have preferred something more 'youthful.'"
Why was the young woman's mother writing the thank you note? Was the young woman too busy shopping for more "youthful" blouses?
"I sent a classic silk blouse to a young woman who was starting her first office job. Her mother told me she would have preferred something more 'youthful.'"
Why was the young woman's mother writing the thank you note? Was the young woman too busy shopping for more "youthful" blouses?
10-23-2009 13:32
East of Eden wrote:
Aunt
In both cases, it was the mother who complained rudely. Dollars to donuts, it was the mother who had a problem and not the daughter. Just stop buying gifts for ungrateful people. There. Problem solved. Now, go and spend the money on something nice for yourself.
10-23-2009 13:31
East of Eden wrote:
Yo-Yo Husband
Good grief, how dense can you be. She already had an affair and you almost divorced. She didn't take counselling seriously. She's going away without you. Duh. Ditch her. Move on with your life. Stand up for yourself. You want to be a doormat? Fine. Just don't complain about it. Your decision. Be a man or a wuss.
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