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Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
WORKERS MUST SPEAK WITH ONE VOICE ABOUT DISRUPTIVE WOMAN
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I work in a call center with 35 other workers. Recently our
supervisor hired a woman who is mentally ill. We acknowledge that she
has a right to work and, for the most part, she appears to be capable.
The problem is she hears "voices" speaking to her and often responds to them. Other times she "hears" co-workers seated behind her plotting to kill her, which, of course, is not true. She disrupts those around her by constantly asking if they can hear what others are saying about her and what she should do about it.
We have spoken to our supervisor about our concerns. His answer is, "Just be quiet and it will be OK." We don't dislike her -- in fact, we're sympathetic -- but we resent the position we have been placed in. None of us have been trained to deal with mental health issues. Have you any suggestions on how to handle this? -- UNEASY IN OHIO
DEAR UNEASY: Your supervisor is mistaken. Just being quiet is not the answer because the voices the woman is hearing are in her head. She's acting this way because she has gone off her medication.
This may be a workplace safety issue. Therefore, you and your co-workers must insist that the supervisor take action to ensure that she's not posing a threat to all of you.
DEAR ABBY: Would it be inappropriate or tacky if I had a mother/daughter dance at my daughter's wedding? I know it's a father/daughter tradition, and my husband will obviously have his dance with her, but I'd like to have a shot at it, too.
My reason is purely selfish. Having lost my son two years ago, I will never experience the mother/son dance we were supposed to share at his wedding the year he died.
Is this crazy? Horribly inappropriate? Am I being too selfish? -- SENTIMENTAL IN YONKERS
DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. The mother/daughter dance is something you need to discuss with your daughter and her fiance. What you have in mind is unusual. However, it would be selfish only if you were to pressure your daughter into it over her objections.
DEAR ABBY: I am extremely thin and have struggled for years with eating disorders and an unhealthy relationship with food. It's difficult for me to go out with family and friends because everyone watches me -- from what I order to how much I consume -- and comments on it. If they decide I haven't eaten enough, they make hurtful comments about my weight.
What I need people to understand is that it is just as hurtful to make fun of someone who is thin by calling him names such as "Stick" or "Bean Pole" as it is to mock a fat person.
Some of us are thin because we are ill, whether it is physically or emotionally. Making fun of us is tasteless, hurtful and unhelpful. -- ROBERT IN N.Y.C.
DEAR ROBERT: I'm glad you wrote, because your letter provides me with the opening to remind my readers that joking about someone's appearance isn't clever or funny. It's cruel. While the target may take those comments with apparent good humor, no one likes to be ridiculed. And frankly, when it happens, it demeans the speaker more than the person at which it is aimed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL UCLICK
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.
This news arrived on: 10/22/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-25-2009 18:21
West of Hades wrote:
Mentally ill co-worker
I agree with Anne, Jan and JHO.
If this poor lady hears voices telling her that her co-workers are plotting to kill her she very well could pose a threat!
She does not belong in a work environment until her symptoms are under control.
That supervisor is an idiot. It won't just go away if it's ignored.
I hope the lady doesn't decide to bring a gun or knife to work to defend herself against imaginary enemies.
I would think that the company as well as the supervisor would be legally liable if she injures other employees and they knew about her delusions and did nothing but tell everyone to ignore it.
If this poor lady hears voices telling her that her co-workers are plotting to kill her she very well could pose a threat!
She does not belong in a work environment until her symptoms are under control.
That supervisor is an idiot. It won't just go away if it's ignored.
I hope the lady doesn't decide to bring a gun or knife to work to defend herself against imaginary enemies.
I would think that the company as well as the supervisor would be legally liable if she injures other employees and they knew about her delusions and did nothing but tell everyone to ignore it.
10-23-2009 15:33
jmo wrote:
hearing voices
It is not the responsibility of the co workers to help this woman. She needs support and help from professionals.
As a united front go to the boss and tell him he must do something. If he doesn't, contact the labor board and any other entity that deals with employee's issues/concerns. You should not have to be subjected to feeling afraid while on the job. You could even refuse to go to work and not get fired if your employer continues to refuse dealing with this. Contact the labor board and get all the information you can regarding your rights, or do a web search.
As a united front go to the boss and tell him he must do something. If he doesn't, contact the labor board and any other entity that deals with employee's issues/concerns. You should not have to be subjected to feeling afraid while on the job. You could even refuse to go to work and not get fired if your employer continues to refuse dealing with this. Contact the labor board and get all the information you can regarding your rights, or do a web search.
10-23-2009 11:28
Fran wrote:
Mental Illness
I agree with Anne and the others that this woman should not be in a working environment. She could pose a real danger to those around her. We're not being unfair and unsympathetic inour views, we just believe that her co-workers have every right to a peaceful and safe workday, and not face constant disruptions that could someday prove dangerous. Who wants to be placed in that position? The supv needs a seriou wake up call. And lets hope its not the kind that will land the company and its workers on the evening news.
10-22-2009 21:48
Anne wrote:
Mental illness, and thinness
I don't agree that this person may not be a danger to others. If she is hearing voices telling her that someone is planning her demise, she might decide that everyone is plotting against her and "defend" herself, or hear voices telling her to kill others, because they are evil. One person's mental illness can be different from anothers. This dear person really probably needs to be on disability until her mental state can be stablized. Sometimes people with disabilities have to be treated differently. You can't expect a person in a wheelchair to climb stairs can you? You may not be able to expect a person with mental illness to be able to do the job of someone that doesn't either. I have a son with mental illness, so I do know what I'm talking about. He couldn't handle regular high school classes and had to be put in alternative school, even though he is of superior intelligence. He couldn't handle the crowds in hallways. If he had been treated "just the same" as everyone else, he would never have graduated.
I was also very thin all through my youth. I heard the cruel jokes, and admonitions to eat. If a person does have an eating disorder, you only make it worse by trying to force them to eat. It's an emotional issue of control, so trying to push food on them, only exacerbates the problem. I don't know why people think that it's ok to comment on another's weight at all. If you have nothing positive to say, then be quiet.
I was also very thin all through my youth. I heard the cruel jokes, and admonitions to eat. If a person does have an eating disorder, you only make it worse by trying to force them to eat. It's an emotional issue of control, so trying to push food on them, only exacerbates the problem. I don't know why people think that it's ok to comment on another's weight at all. If you have nothing positive to say, then be quiet.
10-22-2009 18:00
Lisa B wrote:
Mental Health
Lorraine I completely agree with you on this. While your family and apparently the co-workers of this lady need a reality check. I believe Abby was way off base along with others who agreed with her. This poor woman needs help but she also needs a support system structured with doctors, mental professionals, and caring people.
I have a sister with Schizophrenia,and she is no more a danger to others any more than anyone else I know.
People should be ASHAMED for treating those with any form of disability differently!
I have a sister with Schizophrenia,and she is no more a danger to others any more than anyone else I know.
People should be ASHAMED for treating those with any form of disability differently!
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