ArcaMax

"'Tell me about yourself' doesn't mean 'give me your complete history from birth until today," cautions Green. "It doesn't even mean 'walk me through your work history.' It means 'give me a brief overview of who you are as a professional.'"

The ideal duration of your answer, even for a fascinating individual such as yourself, is one minute -- 60 slam-bang seconds. (You are allowed to go over one minute if "the interviewer looks interested and engaged." Worrisome clues include yawning, dozing and gagging.)

Green's rules should get you through the interview, but I'm not sure they will get you hired. You want to stand out, and to do that, you have to stand up and speak your truth, or, better, speak whatever lies are most conducive to nabbing the job.

For example:

No. 1: Be Zen.

Impress the interviewer by elevating a mundane question to the realm of the metaphysical. "Who am I?" you respond. "Who are you? Who is anyone? Are we all not assemblages of magical molecules trying to find our way in a psychic landscape of love and loss, desirous of soaring to the heights of consciousness, yet weighted down by chains of being and nothingness?"

"This is me," you start to sum up in second 59, "a seeker, a searcher, a person who needs a private office and at least two extra weeks of vacation on Turks and Caicos every year to consult the cosmos and work on my tan."

No. 2: Be poetic.

Show your depth by responding with a flourish of rhetoric. "I am a butterfly floating above a rainbow of opportunity. I am a whisper of wind tickling your ears as I open my heart and mind to the infinite possibilities of becoming one with this company."

You get the idea. (Your poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but it couldn't hurt. "I am a hire you will never regret. Fire me and I'll sue, of that you can bet.")

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