From the ArcaMax Publishing, The Word Guy Newsletter:
http://www.arcamax.com/news/thewordguy/s-642179-733194
What's wrong with these sentences?
1. Like the duck, the loon's nest is built near the shore.
2. The loon is a Bow Lake resident, on which several other loons live.
3. The baby loon is four times smaller than its mother.
That's right; they're loony -- illogical, confusing, puzzling. We
think we know what the writer is trying to say, but something sounds
wrong.
Sentence No. 1 contains an illogical comparison; the writer doesn't
intend to compare the loon's nest to a duck. The sentence should read,
"Like the duck, the loon builds its nest near the shore."
The author of sentence No. 2 assumed that "which" refers to "Bow
Lake," but the proximity of "which" to "resident" suggests it refers
to the entire noun phrase "Bow Lake resident." The sentence should
read, "The loon resides on Bow Lake, on which several other loons
live."
As for sentence No. 3, if "one time" of something means "100 percent
of its value" (hence, "two times two is four"), then how could the
baby loon be four times smaller than its mom? Just being one time
smaller would bring it to the vanishing point, and four times smaller
would place it in a parallel universe where things could be smaller
than non-existent. Cool!
The writer might have written, "The baby loon is one-quarter the size
of its mother."
Can you rewrite these loony statements as logical sentences?
1. Like many other birds, the lake provides the loon with a favorable
summer habitat.
2. Large northern lakes are favored by loons, where they like to spend
the summer.
3. The loon population on the lake is two times lower than it was 10
years ago.
4. The loon population on the lake is two times more than it was 10
years ago.
5. A delightful bird, the tremolo of the loon echoes over lakes on
summer nights.
Possible rewrites:
1. The lake provides a favorable habitat for the loon, as it does for
many other birds.
2. Loons favor large northern lakes, where they like to spend the
summer.
3. The loon population on the lake is (half? a third?) of what it was
10 years ago.
4. The loon population on the lake is (twice? or thrice?) what it was
10 years ago.
5. A delightful bird, the loon sounds a tremolo that echoes over lakes
on summer nights.
(Note: No loons were harmed in the writing of this column.)
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Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites
your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as
well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by
regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd.,
Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and
read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists,
visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.