Sylvia Rimm - Column by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

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Time to Take the Pull-Ups Off

Sylvia Rimm

Q. I have an almost 3 1/2-year-old daughter who refuses to sit on a potty chair! She's very bright and articulate, but "oppositional" in that she says she prefers diapers. She uses Pull-Ups and tells us after the fact that she had a bowel movement or peed. She's the middle child of four. She's a strong-willed little tyke who is resistant to bribes and treats.

A. It's past time for your daughter to be potty trained, so you can feel comfortable telling her that she absolutely can't wear Pull-Ups during the day anymore. Let her help you select training panties. Stay near home for a few days to work on potty training. Hopefully, you can do this while the weather is warm enough for her to be outside in the backyard some of the day. Despite your past experience with bribes, give your daughter a sticker for each success on the potty and praise her mightily. She could even save her stickers for a small gift for each 10 stickers.

Reserve the Pull-Ups for any visits you must make to other people's homes or public places. If you are able to stay home to concentrate on potty training for a few days, you should be able to train your daughter fairly quickly because of her age. The night training will likely follow soon after she has the joy of feeling like a "big girl" during the day, although for some children, night training is much later than for others.

Charmin's website has a free Potty Training Kit download with a chart, a book, stickers and hints that I've found very helpful and effective at http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/pt_download.shtml. In your daughter's case, you'll have to insist on absolutely no Pull-Ups while training takes place.

For a free newsletter about raising preschoolers, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

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Children Learn to Say Goodbye

Q. I have a 4-year-old niece. I've lived on the other side of the country for the past year now, but would like to see her when I come to visit. Her mother doesn't think it's a good idea right now because she said that she cried daily and asked to see me for months after my last visit. Do you think the mother's point is valid? I would like to know your thoughts on the situation.

A. The fact that your niece missed you should be a good reason for you to visit again. She'll be happy to see you and no doubt, she'll be sorry to see you leave again. She will gradually learn that some people she loves, like her mom and dad, stay with her while other people she loves come and go. Learning to say goodbye can be hard for young children, but it's part of their normal development.

Your sister or sister-in-law may have a different agenda than she's stating. She may personally prefer that you not visit. It would be best if you could talk that through with her. Perhaps the best compromise would be to make this visit a short one, so that you're visiting your niece, but not imposing.

For a free newsletter about the influence of aunts, uncles and cousins, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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This news arrived on: 09/16/2009

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