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Dr. Sylvia Rimm spent years researching gifted children, as well as those considered to be underachievers. Her studies have resulted in books, ...
Read more about Sylvia Rimm.
Dr. Sylvia Rimm spent years researching gifted children, as well as those considered to be underachievers. Her studies have resulted in books, ...
Read more about Sylvia Rimm.
Sylvia Rimm On Raising Kids: Gifted Boy Unmotivated
Sylvia Rimm
Q. I have a 10-year-old boy who is in a gifted program. He only goes
one day a week to this class, and the rest of the time is spent in his
regular fourth-grade class. He has no motivation to do anything. He
skims by keeping his grades at a B or sometimes an A, but he could do
so much better. He challenges his teacher's way of teaching and
doesn't pay attention in class. When he gets home he picks fights with
his younger sister or his father and me, and we have to nag him to do
his homework, chores etc ... I'm at my breaking point with his
negative attitude. He strives at things until he knows them and then
gives up and doesn't want to listen to suggestions to do better. We've
taken him to counseling and started him on a rewards program, but
there aren't any huge changes. Every day I cry over what he might
become because of his lack of enthusiasm. Please help!
A. Your concern sounds all too familiar to me. Without knowing the details I couldn't tell you the exact problem. It may be that he isn't sufficiently challenged in school. You would know that if he shows motivation in the gifted program but not in the regular classroom. It's also possible that he became accustomed to too much praise and attention as a very young child. Sometimes that happens with children who speak early, learn to read on their own, or show other unusual talents. People praise them so much that they depend on praise and when they have to share attention in the classroom they feel attention deprived. They act up to get attention or avoid work that doesn't feel easy to them.
A most typical problem is that gifted children can be too competitive. In the early grades they're best at everything and learn so easily. When the curriculum becomes more difficult, they feel ashamed to work hard, almost as if working hard instead of learning easily would show they weren't smart enough. We tell children in our Family Achievement Clinic, "The harder you work, the smarter you get," but children often assume that if you're smart, all work should come to you quickly and easily.
It always helps children to love learning if they find material very interesting, but there is much they must learn that isn't particularly exciting, but is fundamental. Sometimes rewards are helpful, but it takes time before they're effective. Emphasizing that effort counts and praising your son for his perseverance when he shows it instead of reminding him of how smart he is seems to improve motivation gradually and it prevents feelings of pressure.
My book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades" (Great Potential Press, 2008) has just been revised and updated in a third edition. I think you would find it very helpful for understanding your son's problem.
For a free newsletter about underachievement, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Solving the Mysterious Underachievement Problem" at www.sylviarimm.com.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
This news arrived on: 09/21/2008
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Posted Comments:
10-28-2008 22:32
Allison Walker wrote:
Bright mind lost in the dark
This has been going on since the third grade and now my son is 10 going on 11 and he is in the 6th grade. He is still showing the same signs and now he catches an attitude when I tell him to go do his work. He also seems to take his fustrations out on his little sister as well. I have already taken his toys away, video games, television and he can't have any company. I even stopped my friends from comming by as well so he can focus and still nothing works. WHAT TO DO?????
10-28-2008 22:22
allison walker wrote:
bright mind lost in the dark
My son is like that too he lacks motivation and the will to try. He just sits there all day long it takes him from 3:30pm when he gets home from school to 11:30pm just to do 1 homeork subject nd i am ready to just scream and pull my hair out. When i ask him where is the homework for the day he never has it or it isn't completly written down. Even when i look in his binder there is nothing but incomplete work and doodling on the pages. And all of the papers are ripped out the book. SERIOUSLY WHAT CAN I DO!!!!!!!!! Before I go CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!! PLEASE!!!!!.
09-22-2008 20:39
Megan Martin wrote:
Gifted or Cursed
As a gifted child, you often get the shaft. You either get too much attention or only negative attention. You never mentioned the fact that the boy is probably more miserable than the mom. He needs challenging school work, stricter house rules, and the understanding from his parents. It's not easy to be gifted. There's a lot riding on your shoulders. And with a mom who nags instead of asks and teachers who repeat the same lesson over and over, it only gets worse. Combine that with only being with kids like you once a week, it's no wonder there's acting out. The bottom line should be if you don't do your schoolwork, you will be relegated to regular classes. Gifted programs are more exclusive as children age. If there is no preparation for the matriculation into mainstream, he will definitely fail. There's also only so much you can do for a child before you have to let the child do for himself. Coddling sets the stage for failure, too.
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