I am now 76 yrs of age, born 5th in a family of 17. My parents were immigrants from AustroHungarian empire, and my father was sole supporter with luckily $40/mo at times. But living in a small agricultural/coal area, we were raised with love, firm discipline, self-confidence, respect, consideration,Christian beliefs and all other attributes we children learned to treat our neighbors, friends, authority figures, etc. My mother was the disciplinarian, and even would have been cited for abuse by today's standards, even as I had to kneel in corners for at least an hour if not more. We had red flannel 'tongues' around our necks if we swore, cursed, cussed, sassed back, etc. You know what, it didn't hurt or humiliate us...it just made us learn not to do wrong things again...all it took was couple times and we broke our own behavior...and made us stronger in character and self-control....The term self esteem is so over rated...the correct term would be SELF CENTEREDNESS. I feel myself having real self esteem, because I hold myself up not above others, but that I am able to self-control myself in many ways. Self esteem as the term is used today doesn't always make one feel good about themselves, as in road rage, stepping on other's toes, etc....I feel good because I can help other people, raise our children and even discipline granchildren, know that I am following Christ's teaching, take care of a bedridden husband, and know in my heart if anything happens to either me or my husband, our children are there for us, as well as our grandchildren, if need be.
The real problem is parents are afraid to be parents, and lay boundaries first in the home, saying "NO" when you mean "NO"...and not 'maybe'or 'apologetic', being guilty of being the parent. What parents sow, so shall they reap. What goes around, comes around.
Have trust and faith in God, and He will help you thru. ABOVE ALL....PRAY FOR GUIDANCE.