"Things are seldom what they seem, / Skim milk masquerades as cream."

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"If you wish in this world to advance your merits you're bound to enhance; you must stir it and stump it, and blow your own trumpet, or, trust me, you haven't a chance."

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"Oh, don't the days seem lank and long,/ When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,/ And isn't your life extremely flat,/ When you've nothing whatever to grumble at?"

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"One cannot eat breakfast all day,/ Nor is it the act of a sinner,/ When breakfast is taken away,/ To turn his attention to dinner;/ And it's not in the range of belief,/ To look upon him as a glutton,/ Who, when he is tired of beef,/ Determines to tackle the mutton."

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"When you're lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is tabooed by anxiety, / I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in without impropriety."